The medication I’m currently taking prohibits alcohol and caffeine. (Okay, so I cheated twice…I am a weak creature with no self control.)

I guess I didn’t realize just how much of an alcoholic and caffeine addict I can be, because people have started to notice.

And they smile, or give me a little wink.

Then I realized…holy crap! These people think I’m pregnant!

(Am I the only one who finds this picture disturbing?
Why does it have to be such a popular internet image?)

Let’s get this straight: I am not pregnant, nor do I plan to get knocked up anytime in the near future.

I think that even J has caught the baby bug. Either that, or I am just immensely afraid of becoming a parent.

Earlier this week, we had a little scare. Actually, a big scare (at least for me). J will probably kill me for writing this on the world wide web, but heck I like to keep it real.

My period was a week late, and my boobs were getting humongous (and quite painful as well).

I thought, “Crap crap crap CRAP!” as I peed on a stick and waited for 2 minutes.

Lucky for me, the test was negative.

However, I looked over at J and saw that he looked a bit disappointed.

“I was already thinking of baby names,” he confessed. “And how I would start telling everyone immediately…I was gonna send out a tweet saying, ‘My wife is pregnant’!”

Um, can we say Twitter whore?!?

But back to the story. I completely forgot the reason for getting freaked out in the first place and proceeded to freak out even more over the fact that he is 100% ready (and willing) to have kids. Already!

I then remembered a conversation we had weeks ago, when he said to me, “I think I want to name my kid Chewy.”

“Excuse me?”

“Chewy. You know, Chewbacca.”

“You would seriously name our unborn child Chewbacca?”

“Yes. Chewbacca Aragorn L__.”

“…How about we get a dog and name it Chewy?”

I’m still not sure if he was being serious about the name. Nonetheless, the image of my trying to swaddle a Wookie baby brandishing Anduril (for you non-geeks: the re-forged version of Narsil, the mighty sword from The Lord of the Rings) continues to haunt me.

Yep, I’m definitely not ready to have kids.

(My period did come eventually. I contribute its tardiness to stress. As for the swollen boobies? I’m still not sure about that…maybe it’s the medication? If my boobs get smaller after I’m off the meds, I’ll be sure to send out a message to all my flat-chested girlfriends!)