I once read that a baby will cry hardest to her mother (or the primary caretaker) because, just like adults, babies reserve their most passionate and deepest emotions for those they love most.
Our household is a perfect example of this.
When Claire is around me, she WILL make it known if she is displeased in the slightest bit. Whining, fussing, crying, tantrums, you name it. But when she is in the care of others she is more subdued and much less vocal.
She will also only take short naps when I am watching her — which I can only guess stems from her desire to spend as much waking time as possible with me. My SIL has the pleasure of getting 2-hour naps from Claire when she babysits. J? Upwards of three hours. I get one hour IF I am lucky.
This isn’t to say that Claire only reserves her worst behavior for me. Because additionally, she will also share only with me some of her best. The rare smile even as she is teething and I know that she is in a considerable amount of discomfort. Perking up when she hears my voice. Following me around the room with her gaze even as others are showering her with attention.
This is precisely the reason I look to the arrival of the new baby with trepidation. Not because I know it will be a lot of work (well, that too), but because I feel bad for Claire. I feel bad that I will not be able to devote all the love and attention she deserves at a time in her life — learning to walk and talk — when she will require so much of it. I feel bad that I may not be able to run to her immediate aid if she is upset or hurt. I even feel bad that I may not be able to throw her a nice 1st birthday party (me, the person who doesn’t even like parties much) because I will be grossly pregnant and uncomfortable.
I fear that she will resent me.
My only hope is that because she loves me so, she will forgive me for all this. That she will realize that just because mommy has another baby in her arms does not mean she loves her any less. That she will still cherish every moment we share together.
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Since she is so young, she will not notice the difference after a week or so. Babies also tend to love other babies so Claire will most likely be the best big sister, also in giving the baby attention. You are a good mom and will do your best for Claire. The rest of your family will also be there to help.
In those moments of frustration where Mom and Dad are not able to immediate cater to a need, children learn to fend for themselves and make it work. Sometimes it is interesting to see what kids can accomplish when they are challenged to do it on their own.
She will never resent you because you are wonderful and caring mother! 🙂 Don’t worry too much because I have faith in you that both your children will have the amazing love that you have in your heart. <3
Everything will work out fine, and she’s probably going to end up being super close to her new sibling because of the age difference.
have you heard about “the wonder weeks”? there’s a book out about them. i believe my baby girl is heading into wonder week 19 (usually starts around week 15-17 and peaks at week 19)… but one of the characteristics of this wonder week is that they only want mommy.
and i echo the other commenters… i don’t think she’ll resent you either – you’re her mommy and you’re doing the best job you can… you’re the one who feeds her, hugs her, loves her – she’ll always want you! first bday parties are overrated anyway… they don’t even remember! 😉
I feel like saying that she won’t know her first birthday. Heck, I had a huge party when I turned one and I can’t remember anything before the age of 5!!!!!
You’re golden. And it’s good she’s having a little sister or brother early on, because she’ll already know how to share rather than being the only child for years and having to adjust to a new kid around to share time and attention with.
Kids notice the important stuff. 🙂 And it isn’t cake or candy or lots of presents.
That is sooo true. My daughter when she wakes at night, she’ll whimper for us, and if daddy goes to her she cries a little, as soon as I get up and in her sight, she starts to bawl her head off. Usually I go pee 🙂 before I pick her up to breastfeed her, and she bawls even louder, cause she saw me but I left. Like you said, she always saved her “moments” for me, and always appeared to be on her best behavior with others. Others don’t get it though.