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Stay-In Date Nights

A couple of months ago, I was making conversation with a nice, elderly lady at church. And typical of mothers who do not know each other well, we defaulted to the topic of our children.

“Just thirteen months apart? That must be tough!” she exclaimed when I told her about Claire and Aerin.

“Yes, but everyone tells me that these first couple of years will be tough, but that it will be soooo worth it after that,” I replied. “How about you? How many children do you have?”

“Four. And they were all born right after the other, which was not uncommon back in those days. At one point, we had four under five!”

My eyes bulged out from their sockets. And here I was, thinking I had it rough!

“Any tips for a new mother?” I asked.

“Just take it one day at a time. But other than that, I’m afraid I don’t have much advice. Those early years were so hard that I seemed to have blocked a big chunk of it from my memory.”

I nodded understandably. My mother too, has trouble recalling the most difficult parts of her life. She calls it biological amnesia.

“Oh! But I do like to offer up a piece of advice to all married couples!” the lady continued. “Always put your marriage first, because without it, your kids wouldn’t even exist. Take periodic breaks from your children and just enjoy each other. Be sure to have regular date nights.”

“My husband and I used to have monthly date nights. But now, even that is difficult…” I responded.

“No, that’s not good enough. In the forty years of our marriage, my husband and I had date nights every Friday night. And we’ve only missed it six times.

And that’s when my jaw dropped.

Reverent Sundays: Premarital Sex

Welcome to today’s installment of Reverent Sundays, where I write about an aspect of my faith. This can deal with recent books I have read on Christianity, my thoughts on religion and current issues, as well as particular messages I find touching and/or powerful. I am aware that most of my readers are not religious, and that is fine — you are more than welcome to not read these posts if they make you uncomfortable, enrage you, or bore you to tears. I am open to debates and discussions in the comments section as long as everyone remains respectful. Enjoy! A few weeks ago, an article in RELEVANT Magazine titled "The Secret Sexual Revolution" ignited much talk among the Christian blogs and...

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Beneficial Friendships

My parents have always said that everyone needs the following three people in their social circle: a doctor friend, a lawyer friend, and an auto mechanic friend. The reasoning for this is simple, and it is so that you have someone you trust to give you advice and consultations on matters that could otherwise screw you over if you went to the wrong person. When I was younger, my parents also encouraged me to study hard and attend a good college not only so that I can make a good life for myself, but also because they believed that I would have a greater chance at befriending those who would be in powerful positions as working adults. At first, I was appalled...

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More Family Resemblances

A couple of weeks ago, J's relatives in China found this old photograph and sent it over: Can you guess who the little girl is? It's J's mother when she was about 3 years old! Everyone immediately noticed how remarkably Claire resembles her grandmother in this picture. Here's a recent picture of Claire for comparison: Even my mother did a double-take when I showed her the old picture. "Claire's going to look just like that in a couple of years," she predicted. And we couldn't agree more. As stated in a previous post, Claire currently resembles her uncle (J's brother) the most of everyone in our family. Sometimes, you could even swear that she's a carbon copy of him! And because J and his...

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Financial Hardships, and Being a Child of Immigrants

The media keeps telling us that the economy is getting better, that the unemployment rate is decreasing and that there are brighter days ahead. In my parents' circle, this is not the case. Because from what I can see, 2011 has been the most difficult for small business owners, especially immigrant groups who rely on dry cleaners, nail salons, delis, and grocery stores — previously some of the most stable small businesses  — for their livelihood. My mother tells me that in the 20+ years she's been in the dry cleaning business, she has never seen it this bad. Two of her close friends are in default on their mortgages. My aunt's family recently had her home foreclosed. Everyone else is dipping into, and depleting...

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The Big Red Bow Event

We've all seen the commercials. A doting spouse surprises his or her significant other with a brand new car for Christmas, complete with a big red bow on top. A screenshot from this year's "A December to Remember Sales Event" commercial And if you're anything like me, you're probably thinking, "Does anyone actually do that?" Apparently, yes — there is even a warehouse in California that stockpiles the iconic oversized red bows because the demand for them is so high! Granted, the article referenced is a bit old, but as Lexus's annual "December to Remember Sales Event" is ongoing, I highly doubt that this tradition of the financially privileged has expired in recent years. I always told J that I would be pretty angry with...

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My Apparent Lack of Separation Anxiety

Most of the moms I know can't bear to be apart from their children. They tell stories of the bucketfuls of tears that were shed the first time they left their babies with a sitter, nanny, or at a daycare. They talk about how they refuse to spend more than an x amount of time away from their children. (I even know one mom who has not spent even an hour away from her daughter for over 3 years!) Some even speak out about the physical pain that is felt when they are away from their children. I am not one of those moms. Again, I cannot help but wonder if something is wrong with me, or if I am missing that part of most women...

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A Small But (Hopefully) Meaningful Gift

I just realized that I never shared Aerin's Chinese and Korean names with you guys. Aerin's Chinese name — 君靖 (Gwan Zing) — was chosen by J from a list of "pre-approved" names given to him by his parents. Claire's Chinese name, 君婷 (Gwan Ting), was chosen this way too. In fact, J used the same list for both names, and when his brother has children, he too will be naming them from the list and the first character of the names will be the same as well. My father had chosen Claire's Korean name — 다정 (Da Jung) — and I personally love it. Not only is it cute and easy to pronounce, the word 다정 is used in the Korean language to describe...

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