This is yet another incident that can only happen to Jenny.

“Doctors’ sloppy handwriting kills more than 7,000 people annually,” according to an article from Time magazine earlier this year. And who knew I would be a victim of poor handwriting as well?

(Before I continue, no, I am not dead, as I am — obviously — writing this. And the story is actually pretty funny.)

Back in January, I noticed some horizontal ridges on my right thumb nail. I looked it up online and most websites attributed it to stress – psychological or physical. Well, I had been stressed from moving back home, starting a new job, and adjusting to living with the ‘rents again. So I ignored it.

Fast forward to now. The ridges got worse. They look like huge bumps on my nail. And last week, my nail actually started to hurt a lot.

So I found a dermatologist through my insurance company and went for a visit yesterday. She told me that it’s an infection in my nail bed. The pain is from the very deep bumps traveling up as my nail grows. She could either remove the entire nail (eww), which would take an entire year to grow back, or prescribe some topical medication. Of course I went for the medication. She also prescribed something that will soften my nail considerably so that the pain will ease.

I picked up the meds just now. I read the instructions. The first one was fine – on to the second. I almost spit out my lunch.

“This medication is used to moisten and soften rough, hardened, dry, cracked, calloused skin; and other uses as determined by your doctor.”

Instructions: “Apply to groin twice daily.”

I have a rough, hardened, dry, cracked, calloused vagina.