I was never officially diagnosed with SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction, or excessive and/or painful separation of the two pubic bones at the front of the pelvis) with my last pregnancy, but the pain was bad enough that I could not exercise for all of my third trimester.

This pregnancy is no different. And while I have been taking it easy, I have a 19 lb infant to take care of, which is exercise in itself.

According to this site, “During pregnancy hormones soften and stretch the ligaments
of the body in order to allow the pelvis to open slightly during labour so that the baby
can move easily through….During pregnancy, and after, the Symphysis can gap slightly
and walking, climbing stairs and turning over in bed can be difficult or even impossible.”

The pelvic pains are usually worst in the morning and at nights. One morning a few weeks ago, I literally collapsed onto the floor whilst trying to get out of bed. It was a big scare, to be sure — one that left me with an ugly bruise on my knee — but I brushed it off as a one-time-thing and reminded myself to be more careful whenever I get up from a sitting or lying position.

Well, it happened again, yesterday.

Except I wasn’t alone. I had just gathered Claire in my arms and was about to get up from the couch when I felt the floor drop out from beneath me and I collapsed.

Claire was okay — a bit scared, but physically fine. But I immediately started bawling, because I knew that I could have really hurt my child.

I called J at work, still crying, and explained to him what happened. I then went on to wail: “HOW AM I GOING TO TAKE CARE OF TWO BABIES? AND I KNOW YOUR PARENTS ARE COMING TO HELP, BUT I’M ALSO SCARED THEY’RE GOING TO HOG THE BABIES AND I WON’T BE ABLE TO SEE THEM OR BOND WITH THEM. AND I’M SO TIRED AND EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME AND I HATE BEING PREGNANT!”

I don’t remember exactly what J said in response, but he managed to calm me down and called our SIL to see if she could come help me out for the day. She came over as soon as she could, listened to me air my fears and frustrations, gave me tons of hugs, then ordered me to bed while she took care of Claire. (Um, yeah. She’s like, the best SIL ever.)

I feel so, incredibly fortunate for our family members who have been donating their precious time and energy in helping me out during this pregnancy. I feel blessed that we are able to afford a part-time nanny. But even with all this help, I am terrified of becoming the mother of a newborn and a 13-month-old in just a couple of months.

And now, after what had happened, I am scared whenever I am alone with Claire. What if my hip gives out again while I am holding her and she gets badly injured? What if it happens when I am alone and I am unable to move or call for help?

The mere thought of this little girl being injured due to her mama’s physical condition
breaks my heart. (Adorable hat crocheted by my SIL — see more of her creations here.)

Luckily, J’s parents will be arriving from Hong Kong in two weeks so they will be able to assist me almost every day for the last month or so of this pregnancy (and help out when the baby arrives).

In the meantime, we have asked our nanny if she could come in for extra hours, but she is unable to due to her own schedule. And as luck would have it, her own mother is ill so she is not able to come at all this week.

We do not want to hire someone else at this point in time, so I will need to stick it out for the next couple of weeks and have family members help out when they can.

The one consolation I can get from suffering SPD is that my delivery of Claire was freakishly easy for a first-time mother. I can only hope and pray for the same with BebeDeux.