Following yesterday’s post, I received several comments and emails telling me that I need to chill out. All of them came from well-meaning people who are concerned on my behalf, so I did not take offense to them. However, I felt that I needed to write this post to clarify my position on the subject.
Yes, J and I are actively trying to get pregnant, and have been for the past 3 months. However, we do not let baby-making interfere with our lives in a negative way. I do not have babies on my mind 24-7. Am I sad that we are not yet pregnant? Yes. But am I crying over it? No (aside from that one time when I was majorly PMSing).
I do not consider baby-making my first or sole reason for having sex, because I love having sex with my husband. It is enjoyable, pleasurable, and fun. We do not roll our eyes at “having to do it again,” nor do we force ourselves to have sex.
I have the tendency to dramatize my life on this blog, and for that I apologize.
As for stress? Well I have always been a high-strung person. My type-A personality does not allow me to “let things go” or “just let it happen.” It kills me (again, with the dramatization) that I cannot control my own body, to make myself get pregnant and have a healthy baby.
And it is for this reason that I started charting. I actually have found charting relaxing and comforting. Heck, who am I kidding? I LOVE CHARTS, GRAPHS, AND TABLES! I love the fact that there are free sites like FertilityFriend that keeps track of not only your basal body temperature, but other signs of fertility as well.
A random woman’s chart on FertilityFriend
As you can see above, there are areas of the chart that allow you to enter almost everything that may indicate your fertility levels: basal body temperature, cervical mucus, saliva…even moods and bodily functions! You can also keep track of which days you are having sex, which part of the day you are having sex, which days you are menstruating/spotting, etc.
Charting has helped me be more in tune with my body,
and given me some semblance of control over my fertility.
Some may call it obsessive, but I like looking at my chart and trying to figure out what’s going on with my body and when. J thinks it’s cute that I chart; he knows how much I love this kind of stuff and encourages me to do it.
In fact, I like it so much that I think I’ll continue to do this even when I get pregnant, and after having babies as well.
I know that everything is in God’s will and plan, and I accept that. But this doesn’t mean that I can’t pray about it every day, and even help myself along.
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Do what you need to do. Some of us are planners and some of us like to do research for what we are about to get ourselves into. That does not make you or me obsessive or crazy. I would rather think of my mother as someone who planned, took her basal temperature (which apparently works because that’s how I was conceived – ew, I didn’t need to know that from my parents) than someone who got drunk and got knocked up with me.
I LOVE Fertility Friend! I don’t always use it to it’s fullest extent but I do love all the different options it provides. I agree that charting helps one feel like one has some sort of control over fertility. I plan on using it to avoid pregnancy once I finally have a baby instead of using other kinds of birth control.
I’m right there with you in the 2WW so I wish you good luck and hope we both get BFPs this month 🙂
@Donna — that’s a great point! I know I was an "accident" because my mother straight-out told me. I also know that my parents do not love me any less because of this fact; however, personally I would feel extra special if my parents conceived me after actively trying for a baby.
@Emily — isn’t the 2WW just plain torture? I’ll keep you in my prayers that you’ll conceive soon!
I’m really happy to see this post… even though yesterday’s post was pretty funny, I was a little worried that you were becoming "one of those" pregnancy/fertility bloggers. I’ve read enough blogs of infertile women and known a few personally to realize that it can be an incredibly painful process that can easily consume your life, but I hate to see it happen. I know that the number one thing NOT to say to these women is "just relax", but whether I know them well or not, it always hurts to see them hurt that way. I hope your wait is over soon, and have fun charting!
I think the important thing is to know yourself and what works for you. You’re a charter, a thinker, and a sharer. It wouldn’t work for you to just pretend you didn’t care and do everything in your power to not think about conception – you’d go nuts. I know that my mom has told me that the more I stress and worry over it, the harder it will be – but it doesn’t seem like you’re stressing so much as just being proactive. I don’t mind your fertility posts – I find them informative and, when you want them to be, funny.
You’re doing great, Jenny! I’m sure everyone’s advice comes from a good, supportive place, but you have to do what feels right for you. My mom is Type A and all 3 of her children were very planned. She went about it the way she wanted to, and she’s never thought twice about it 🙂
I love your approach to this post! I’m certainly not ready for a baby in my life, but it seems like we have that need to plan and organize and be in control (lovely traits 🙂 ) in common. Sometimes, yeah, it makes life a little complicated, but at least trying to be orderly about it makes you feel better! Keep on chugging along. 🙂 I’m praying for you and your hubby and the plan God has for your family. 🙂
I really enjoyed charting too – still sending you those get preggo vibes!
Yeah, it’s interesting – I was a ‘planned’ one and then, my mother actually had a miscarriage and then, lost a baby who was born too premature at 30 weeks (I was born at 33 weeks) and then, my sister Grace was truly that – a gift from God by the time she was born and lived. My mom later admitted to celebrating when Grace turned one week old. And then, there was an ‘accident’ 7 and 8 years later (aka my younger sister and brother who are 12 years younger than me!!) You do what is best for you right now. Go YOU!