Dec 27, 2010  •  In Baby, Comang, Parenting, Relationships

Unconditional Love

When Heather (who had written a guest post for me last month) emailed me to let me know that Trupanion is holding a Pawliday Blog Contest, I knew that I had to participate…but I didn’t realize how difficult writing a post on the topic “How My Pet’s Love is My Holiday Gift” would be.

Because truth be told, Comang has been a brat lately.

Many of my readers have been wondering how Comang is getting along with the baby, and how he is handling the new addition to the family. And here is the answer: our dog has first child syndrome.

I have no one to blame but myself. I had read that before introducing the new baby to the household I should gradually start giving Comang less attention so that his new place in the family will not come as a shock. But I did the exact opposite because I knew that he would be receiving less attention. And by doing this I ended up doing more harm than good, because our dog now engages in behavior that he has never done before the baby.

When one of us is preoccupied with the baby, he will flippantly trot over to the other person for cuddle time.

When the baby is finally, successfully napping, he will find the loudest squeaky toy in his possession and attack the hell out of it, rousing the little one from her sleep.

And whenever we have guests over, he will go attach himself to the visitor, but not before shooting me a look that clearly states, “Well, since you’re not giving me any attention, I’ll go to this two-legger instead.” And while basking in the company’s affection, he will look over at me as if to say, “Jealous yet?”

…and I do get jealous.

I wish I had more time for Comang. I wish I could give the baby and Comang equal attention, or at least give him enough attention so that he does not feel neglected.

But at the same time, I resent him for not giving me a moment to rest when the baby is down for a nap. I resent him for waking me up earlier than usual for his morning walk when the baby is still sleeping and I could be using that extra time for sleep myself. Most of all, I resent him for making me feel guilty…as if new moms don’t experience enough guilt already!

So just how am I supposed to honestly write a post about how Comang’s love is the best holiday present with all this resentment in my heart? And that’s when it hit me.

I resent Comang because he loves me so much.

He loves me even though his status in our family has moved down a rung. He loves me even when I snap at him out of frustration. He loves me even though I haven’t been able to take him for a long walk by the river since the start of summer.

I know that having a baby requires sacrifices and adjustments from all members of the family. I just hadn’t realized that our dog would need to make sacrifices too…and I love Comang for taking it relatively well. He is patient when he has to wait an extra hour for a walk. He is unfazed when the baby is screaming her head off. Best of all, he is gentle with her and I know that although he might be jealous of her, he would never hurt her.

So here’s to you, buddy. Thank you for being such an awesome friend, first child, and an integral member of our family. And thank you for loving me with such unconditional love. I hope that you will grow to love Claire just as much, and that you two will soon become the best of friends.

Dec 24, 2010  •  In Christianity, Claire, Personal

Merry Christmas Eve!

This year we celebrate Claire’s first Christmas and J made sure to make it a special one by putting up our very first Christmas tree and decorating it with fancy-schmancy ornaments from Crate & Barrel.

We decided not to get the baby any gifts this year because (1) she will not remember it; and (2) she will be happier with a diaper change than with any material object.

That being said, our almost-3-month-old daughter has received more Christmas gifts than her parents…combined. While we are thankful for the generosity of our friends and family, we couldn’t help but wonder if this will be the norm as parents.

We will be spending the day watching two holiday rom-coms: Love Actually and The Holiday. Then it is off to church for Christmas Eve service!

I end this post with the first few verses from the gospel of John. Many people are partial to Luke this time of year, but I myself prefer these words from John 1:1-5, 14.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.
In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
….
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.
We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Dec 17, 2010  •  In Information, Parenting, Personal, Relationships

Average Happiness vs Transcendent Moments

Do you guys watch videos on TED (tagline: “Riveting talks by remarkable people, free to the world”)? If not, you should — the site is filled with thought-provoking talks and discourses from some of the most exceptional people in the world.

Yesterday, TED posted a presentation given by Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman, the husband-and-wife team behind the popular websites Nerve and Babble. Their talk, titled “Let’s talk parenting taboos,” struck a chord with me because not only did they deliver it in a funny and enjoyable way, the content itself was honest and entirely relatable to where I am currently in my life.

Grisom and Volkman explores 4 truths that parents are taught by society never to admit…and why it is okay to talk about them:

  1. You can’t say you didn’t fall in love with your baby in the first minute
  2. You can’t talk about how lonely having a baby can be
  3. You can’t talk about your miscarriage
  4. You can’t say your “average happiness” has declined

Appropriately, these are all subjects I have discussed at length, or at least touched upon, on this blog.

I was particularly moved by the last topic where the couple talk about how a parent’s average happiness is likely to go down after having kids. Take a look at the chart below, where four independent studies measured marital satisfaction based on various milestones:

Taking a look at these studies, it is apparent that happiness takes a nosedive when children are introduced to the picture and does not go up again until your first child goes to college.

Intrigued by this data, Grisom and Volkman delved deeper into the studies by interviewing those who were responsible for the research. Are all parents doomed for at least two decades of misery? Why do people keep having kids if it makes them so unhappy?

What they discovered hit me hard. Here is a typical person’s average happiness over his/her lifespan:

What the graph above shows is average happiness, which does not account for moment-to-moment experiences. According to Grisom and Volkman, this is what the chart would look like if you overlay these moment-to-moment experiences:

As you can see, the chart accounts for the vastly undulating emotions that accompany childhood and adolescence, which levels off as we enter adulthood into our 20s and 30s. Or, as Griscom puts it, “it’s almost as age is a form of lithium.” Our average happiness goes up, but we lose those transcendent moments.

Then, when we have our first child, we submit ourselves to these highs and lows again…and never have the highs been any higher, or the lows any lower!

I couldn’t agree more.

As a new parent, there are times where I can’t even let out a single tear because I am so angry, so tired, and so damn frustrated. But these major lows are offset by equally powerful highs where I feel nothing but pure bliss. How every morning, the baby greets me and the new day with a smile. How holding her tight brings a surge of warmth throughout my entire body. How every night, she bursts out laughing as she enters dreamland.

And I know that these highs will get even higher as she grows older. (And the lows will get lower too.)

Seeing as the human race has continued to have children even with the introduction of birth control, I can only assume that these transcendent moments are worth the lower levels of average happiness for others too.

Dec 13, 2010  •  In Art/Design, Facebook, Funny, Geek, Web

New Facebook Profiles: The Good and the Bad

When Facebook debuted its new profile pages last week I thought, ‘Finally! A Facebook redesign I like!’ and went straight ahead to play around with the new features.

Apparently, others have been busy with the new profile pages as well…

French artist Alexandre Oudin transformed his profile page into an innovative portrait. Love it!

On the flipside, there are bound to those who take advantage of the fact that with the new layout, friends can decide what pictures show at the top of a person’s profile via tagging. Here are two examples of how users are pranking each other:

Additionally, a human caterpillar prank is starting to spread, as it is relatively easy to produce (just upload the same picture numerous times and keep tagging the person).

What do you think of the new Facebook profiles? Have you seen any of the pranks on your friends’ profiles yet?

Dec 13, 2010  •  In Personal, Photography, Random

Royal Engagement Photos

I must be living under a rock, because I only just discovered that Prince William is engaged to be married to his long-time girlfriend Kate Middleton.

Two official engagement pictures were released to the public over the weekend, and I have to say that I love the work of fashion photographer Mario Testino, who was chosen to document the royal engagement. Not only does the couple look exquisite, the photos (especially the more formal portrait) have a painting-like quality to them that makes them seem appropriately regal. I’d love to know what type of equipment Testino shoots with, what settings he used, and what type of post-processing work he performed, if any.

Kate’s engagement ring, which is prominently displayed in the first photo, was the same one given to Diana by Charles. Some have criticized William for choosing to gift Kate the ring of his late mother — because not only did his parents’ marriage end in divorce, his mother died a tragic death — but I think it’s utterly romantic. (Plus, I have an affinity for oval stones, as my own engagement ring is a gorgeous oval diamond. )

I was too young to remember the wedding of Charles and Diana, but I do know that it was the fairytale wedding of my generation. I have no doubts that William and Kate’s wedding in April 2011 will garner similar attention.

Congrats to William and Kate!

Via Luxist.

Dec 10, 2010  •  In Baby, Claire, Motherhood, Parenting, Personal

The State of the Union, 10 Weeks

Today I’ve decided to regale my readers with another post-partum mega update…complete with stretch mark pictures!

Baby care has definitely gotten easier. Don’t get me wrong — it’s still pretty tough, but the horrendous first six weeks have passed and gone with them are first-time parent jitters (and idiocracy), in addition to the zombie state that plagued our household.

We are now better able to understand the baby’s needs and are even able to differentiate between her various cries: from “I’m hungry,” to “I’m sleepy but I don’t WANNA sleep”; from “I’m bored — can you carry me around the house?” all the way to “What the eff are you doing? I don’t like that.”

Claire is also starting to become picky with her caregivers. In the beginning, I was worried that she would grow to like my MIL more than me seeing as how much time they spend together. However, it quickly became apparent that my daughter vastly prefers to be comforted by her mommy over anyone else when she is upset. When she is crying and crying and SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER, I am the only one who can calm her down almost immediately. While this makes me happy inside — She likes me! She really likes me! — it has become a case for malcontent with J, who’s already sad that he doesn’t get to spend enough time with her and worries that our daughter still doesn’t know her daddy.

Sleepy Time:

For the first few weeks of Claire’s life, she suffered from a major case of day-night reversal. I read that this is pretty common with newborns because while they are in the womb, they sleep during the day when the mother is active (because this creates a calming, rocking motion for them) and tend to stay awake during the night when the mother is asleep.

So we did our very best to reset her internal sleeping clock: leaving the house bright and full of noise during daytime (although this was a bit difficult to enforce with grandparents who wanted to keep the house dim and quiet so the baby can sleep in peace); not letting her nap more than 3 hours at a time; keeping the house dark and quiet at night; and avoiding stimulation as much as possible (even talking) when she wakes up during the night for a diaper change and a feeding.

Within two weeks, Claire was definitely sleeping longer stretches at night — in 3 to 4 hour increments — than during the day, when most of her naps lasted just a couple of hours.

Then something miraculous (well, at least to new parents) happened. Sometime between weeks 5 and 6, Claire began to know when it was nighttime. Getting her to go down for the night was still a challenge, but once she was down for the night, we no longer had any trouble getting her to go back to sleep after middle-of-the-night feedings. All I needed to do was change her, feed her, and place her back in her bassinet and she would fall right back asleep.

Guys, you don’t know how much of a lifesaver this new nighttime sleeping habit has been. Especially now that she sleeps in 4-5 hour stretches during the night.

Bassinet to Crib:

Starting week 8, both sets of grandparents voiced their concerns at the baby’s bassinet becoming too small.

“It’s designed to support up to 25 lbs, and the baby is still less than 12 lbs!” I protested. “There’s still plenty of space for her.”

But they kept nagging. “What if she learns to roll over in her sleep? She might suffocate on the side of the bassinet.”

I had been planning on making the change to the crib after the 3-month mark, but the nagging got to me.

So we began the transition by keeping the bassinet in her room for a week, right next to the crib so that she will get used to sleeping in a new room. And last week, at the 9 week mark, we had her sleep in the crib for the very first time…and it was a success! It was as if nothing had changed, and we were still able to check in on the baby using our video baby monitor.


On 12/9 I tweeted this picture with the caption “Claire’s first night in her crib went fanstastically well.”

However, while she has no trouble sleeping in her crib at night, she still fights sleeping in her crib for her daytime naps — she will only sleep in her swing. Does anyone have any tips for solving this problem?

The Mama’s Body:

In the last state of the union post at 4.5 weeks, I had made it a goal to lose 10 more pounds by my 30th birthday…and I did it! I have lost a total of 40 lbs in 2 months, and I only have 10 more to go.

They say that the last 5-10 lbs are the most difficult to lose after having a baby, so I am giving myself a bit more time and am aiming to lose the rest by J’s birthday, on January 27.

A friend asked me what I was doing for the weight loss. I’m ashamed to say that so far, nothing. The first 30 lbs really just melted off without trying at all, and I must attribute the other 10 to my being sick (thrush, mastitis, then thrush again), quitting breastfeeding, and the stress of the past two weeks. In addition, I haven’t been eating nearly as much as I used to pre-baby. It’s almost as if the baby is “helping” me lose weight by starting to cry whenever I get a chance to sit down and eat.

My belly remains a bit flabby and stretched-out. And while I had a pretty cute belly button pre-pregnancy, it is now large, hollow, and droopy. I measured my waist and still have 4(!) inches to lose to return to my pre-pregnancy size. I guess this is where the remaining 10 lbs have been residing.

Here is what my belly looks like today (click to view, as I’m sure not everyone wants to see a post-partum belly):

As you can see, my linea nigra has faded some but still remains (when will it fade entirely?). As for the spots on my upper tummy? Those are acne scars. Pregnancy, and breastfeeding, led me to have HORRIBLE acne all over my back and shoulders, and some spread to my chest and upper belly as well.

Here is a side view where you can see the full extent of my stretch marks:

The stretch marks on my left side are slightly better, but not by much.

Compare my current linea nigra and the stretch marks to those at 25 weeks pregnant. And I thought those were bad!

They say that acne scars can take up to a year to fade away, and while my mother’s pregnancy stretch marks (in the same spots!) disappeared over time, I’m not sure how long it will take mine to diminish.

So even if I do return to my pre-pregnancy weight, I think it’s safe to say that my bikini-wearing days are over. It’s okay — I hardly go swimming anyway.

Dec 9, 2010  •  In Christianity, NYC, Personal

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

A few weeks ago, the American Atheists caused quite a stir in the NY/NJ area by placing this billboard at the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel in New Jersey:

The Catholic League soon countered with its own billboard, aptly placed at the New York entrance to the tunnel:

Now it is no secret that I am a Christian, so I confess that I was a bit miffed about the Atheist billboard. However, I was no happier with the Catholic League’s response (although it must be noted that the billboard was paid for by a donor who specifically instructed that the money should be used for this purpose).

Christmas has always been a religious holiday for me. When I think of Christmas I immediately associate it with the celebration of the birth of Jesus, not Christmas trees, Santa, or presents.

(Yes, I am well aware that no one is certain of the exact date of Jesus’ birth, and that the Church borrowed the date from pagan holidays in order to make the transition to Christianity easier for early converts.)

So as much as I love this holiday, I do not feel the need to decorate my house or exchange gifts. Do I do so? Yes, but mostly because it has been ingrained in me by the culture that raised me. But with each ornament that is placed on the tree, with each ribbon that is wrapped around a gift, I do my best to remember the reason behind Christmas and be thankful for all that God has given us, especially the gift of His Son.

I know that many of my friends celebrate Christmas but purely in a secular way. Meaning that they put up a tree, exchange gifts, and maybe even play Christmas songs in the house, but they do not associate the holiday with the birth of Jesus.

I do not look down on those who do this. However, with the above billboards in mind, I cannot help but wonder if the non-religious folk who celebrate Christmas ever feel weird that they are celebrating a holiday that is so deeply rooted in Christianity? If so, do they act upon those feelings of guilt/annoyance (whatever they may be), or do they choose to ignore them?