Oct 30, 2010  •  In Entertainment, Funny, Guest Posts

Guest Post: Top 20 Most Awesome/Least Awesome TV Characters

This post comes courtesy of my dear internet buddy, Girl on the Park. It is one that hits home for TV junkies like myself, and I spent quite some time reading and re-reading it, nodding in agreement while chuckling and marveling over the remarkable writing style dripping in sarcasm.

It also brought me down memory lane, as some of the shows mentioned are ones I’ve held dear to my heart for over a decade.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!


Something you should know about me — I’m kind of a pop culture fiend. I love movies and books and I also really love TV. I own a ridiculous number of shows on DVD and am always eager to make a new awesome discovery. Anyway, I started thinking about my favourite TV characters the other day and came up with a list of the best and worst ones. Read along and see if you agree!

TV Characters I Do Not Like

Marissa Cooper, The OC
Marissa Cooper was supposedly the golden girl of this show. She was supposed to be sexy, stylish and scintillating. Instead, she was really boring. Maybe it was the writing, maybe it was the fact that Mischa Barton delivered her lines with either google eyed disbelief or like she was about to lapse into a coma, but whatever it was, nothing helped. Not drugs, not breakdowns, not sexing the gardener or the local surf Nazi could make her interesting and so by the time Marissa bit the big one at the end of Season Three, it was kind of a relief that they weren’t going to have to waste anymore screen time on her nonadventures.

Logan Huntzberger, Gilmore Girls
I never got why this douche was supposed to be the love of Rory’s life. It was like he had no personality outside of being a smarmy hipster version of Richie Rich. Even towards the end of the show when he lost all his money and was trying to make a go of it on his own, it still kind of seemed like he thought the world owed him something. Never was I so happy to see someone turn down a wedding proposal. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Rachel, Glee
I have only seen an episode of this show but I do not understand why this Rachel person is supposed to be the heart of Glee. Underneath her perky exterior, she seems insanely self-centred and hateful towards anyone she sees as a rival. What makes that something to root for?

Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
Look Carrie, here’s the thing: I know this show is about you, but you’re kind of an awful person. You’re bad with money and expect your friends to bail you out. You cheat on a dude who really loves you with your stupid married ex. You give up your job to follow your boyfriend overseas and then get pissed off that you have nothing to do. Your boyfriend proposes to you and instead of celebrating the relationship, you put the focus on wedding and then are surprised when being shallow and materialistic blows up in your face (not that your fiancé is a “Big” prize). You have legitimate relationship issues that almost cause you to cheat, but then your husband buys you something shiny and all is forgotten. When I was in my early 20s, I might have fallen for that cheap single girl heroine stuff, but now I know better. (Also, Miranda kicks your ass any day of the week.)

Sydney Bristow, Alias
Jack Bristow. Sloane. Vaughn. Sark. Weiss. Little Marshall Flinkman, the computer guy! I would have gladly watched shows built around any of these characters, but instead, I kind of felt like we got stuck with Sydney. She might have had wigs, she might have had kung fu moves, but she never really had my attention. Sorry Syd fans, but anyone who can make a show about superspies boring is a major dud.

TV Characters I Probably Shouldn’t Have Liked, But Did Anyway

Logan Echolls, Veronica Mars
My husband and I debate about Logan all the time. He says that Logan’s season one exploits of supplying people with roofies make him a loathsome and horrible person. I, on the other hand, am willing to give the guy a bit of a pass. Sure, he starts off as a “psychotic jackass,” but once you get to know the character, you have a better understanding of why he is the way he is. His dad beat him. His mom committed suicide. His girlfriend was murdered. Dumping that much sucky stuff on a character could make them an annoying “why me?” victim, but a combination of good writing and good acting choices on the part of Jason Dohring made him extremely watchable. Plus, the first time sparks flew between him and V was ten times hotter than things ever were with Duncan.

Titus Pullo, Rome
If you put Titus’ character down to his actions, he’s actually kind of awful. He killed the fiancé of a girl he liked because he was jealous. He cheated on his pregnant wife. He strangled his mistress. And he killed a whole bunch of people. Anyone else could have played the part like a mindless hateful thug, but Ray Stevenson brought such a great energy and humanity to role that you found yourself rooting for him in spite of all his violent past.

Al Swearengen, Deadwood
When I first started watching Deadwood, I wasn’t sure what to make of Al. He seemed prime villain material. But over time, I saw that while Al can certainly be a douche, he operates on logic and a certain set of morals. They might not exactly be my kind of morals, but watching him, you could see how he would come to certain conclusions and make certain decisions. If I had to choose between him, the dandiness of Cy Tolliver and the nastiness of George Hearst, I would vote Swearengen any day of the week. And damn if the man wasn’t quotable as all hell. “Don’t forget to kill Tim!”

Coach McGuirk, Home Movies
This might be kind of a cheat because this was a cartoon show, but McGuirk is kind of an amazing character. A broke, rage-filled, alcoholic soccer coach, he is designed to be unlikable and yet pretty much every episode, I found myself loving the crazy things that would come out of his mouth. Want an efficient coach? Go somewhere else. But if you want one that will call you a diseased chipmunk? Call John McGuirk. You’ll probably never win a tournament, but you’ll have a lot of laughs.

Gemma Teller Morrow, Sons of Anarchy
Peggy Bundy as a biker chick? How did that happen? I still don’t know, but it works. She’s encouraged a junkie to OD, she’s hit her husband’s mistress in the face with a skateboard and you just know that she’s keeping all sorts of juicy secrets from her loving son, but Katey Sagal’s performance as Lady Hamlet of the Hog set is actually pretty great. The fact that she didn’t earn any nominations for the work she did on SOA last season blows my mind. Look out Brenda Johnson and Betty Draper, because next year, Gemma’s mopping the floor with you marshmallows.

TV Characters I Started Out Liking, But Then Gradually Resented

Noel Crane, Felicity
Remember when our girl Felicity started school and then fell for her dreamy R.A.? Those were the days! The episode where the two of them tried to schedule sex and then started to get busy next to a burning Christmas tree was awesome. But then, everything started to fall apart. With all his lying, snooping, cheating, and secret marriages, Noel ended up being a lot more drama than he was worth and damaged, alcoholic track star Ben started to seem like the better bet. Sorry “Leon,” but better luck next time . . . perhaps in an alternate reality?

Ross Gellar, Friends
I feel about Ross kind of the same way I do about Noel. He started out adorable and his long standing crush on Rachel Green was enough to make junior high me swoon. After all, he was her lobster. But as the show went on and Ross and Rachel got together and broke up and got together and broke up, Ross became more and more of a caricature of what he had once been. High strung, dramatic, and marriage crazy, the sweetness we had once expected from Mr. Gellar was replaced with an instability that made him seem almost manic depressive. By the series’ finale, I wasn’t so much concerned that he and Rachel would get together; I was concerned that they would and that poor Rachel would spend the rest of her life having to deal with his irrational jealousy and angry outbursts. Bah!

Izzie Stephens, Grey’s Anatomy
I thought in the early days of Grey’s Anatomy that Izzie was an interesting character. She could have floated through life as the face of “Bethany Whisper,” a Victoria Secret-esqe brand of lingerie, but instead, she decided she wanted to be a doctor and so that is what she did. I even felt bad for her when her boyfriend Denny the Magical Heart Patient died. But then with the ghost sex and the generally being a bitch to everyone, I became less and less enchanted with her, until she ran me off the show completely.

Joey Potter, Dawson’s Creek
My dislike of Joey Potter was more of a slow build. In the early days of Dawson’s Creek, I was definitely a Joey fan. After all, we tall lanky brunettes have to stick together. But then I started to see the cracks. You see, Joey Potter is kind of like your tall pretty friend who knows she’s pretty but really likes to hear you say it, so she fishes for compliments. The number of times she referred to herself as “Poor little Joey Potter from the wrong side of the creek” started to drive me up the wall. Poor Joey’s too tall! Poor Joey’s too skinny! Poor Joey’s too smart! Poor Joey’s too good at art! Poor Joey’s too good at writing! Poor Joey has too many men interested in her! Also, what was up with her letting Dawson Leery control her whole life? I mean the guy was a mega moron with a giant forehead who made the same crappy autobiographical movie like four times! Pacey was the obvious choice!

Nate Fisher, Six Feet Under
When a show starts off with someone’s dad dying, you can’t help but feel sorry for them. Unfortunately for everyone in the viewing audience, Nate went on to squander that good will in a big way and became the most self-centred asshat ever. By the time he cheated on his wife (who was pregnant with a child they believed was special needs) with his stepsister and heartlessly dumped her, I was totally ready for him to shuffle off his mortal coil. What a jerk!

TV Characters I’ve Always Loved

Chandler Bing, Friends
The thing I liked about Chandler (aside from the fact that he is totally my sarcasm twin) is that he was really the only Friend that didn’t become a caricature of himself over the course of the show. He worked hard, he learned things, and he grew up. By the time he and Monica became parents, I actually felt a little impressed with his transition from crazy commitment phobe to loving husband and father. Way to go, dude.

Angela Chase, My So Called Life
I didn’t watch this show when it originally aired but I kind of had my own Angela Chase phase when I was a teenager. I dyed my hair red. I wore babydoll dresses. I overanalysed everything. I even had a debilitating crush on blue eyed plaid wearing dude (although for the record, he wasn’t illiterate and we never made out in the boiler room — instead he would talk at me and I would blush ferociously). While there are many people who lament the cancellation of this show and the fact that Angela picks Jordan Catalano over Brian Krakow, I kind of admire the show for choosing an ending that matches what a 15 year old would actually do. I just hope Brian was still available by the time Angela hit her “I dig serious soulful guys” phase.

Bill Haverchuck, Freaks and Geeks
Bill Haverchuck was possibly the geekiest of the geeks, but there was more to him than just mouth breathing and coke bottle glasses. He was thoughtful. He was adventurous. He was fair. He loved baseball and Dallas and his mom and he rocked Vicki Appleby’s world during 7 minutes in heaven. Plus, that little gawky dude could bust a move! Pretty awesome if you ask me.

Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
If Angela was me as a teenager, then Liz is me as an adult. I wear glasses and sneakers. I sing songs about cheese. I have forgotten my own birthday. I have had to jury rig my pants shut with a paperclip (don’t ask). But if I could find someone who loves crazy old me for me, I have faith that Liz’ll find someone who will love her for her wacky exasperated flatulent self.

Joan Holloway Harris, Mad Men
Being a lady in the 1960s wasn’t the greatest thing ever, but Joan Holloway Harris makes it look kind of awesome. She might have deferred to her male counterparts sometimes, but when required, she could kick some ass and take some names. With her style, her sass and smarts, Joan was a pretty progressive lady and a role model for her time.

 

So what say you, blogging audience? Do you agree or disagree with my list? Who are your favourite/least favourite TV characters?


About the Author:

Girl is a 28 year old publishing lackey who lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada with her awesome artist husband, Boy, and her fluffy little troublemaker of a cat, Bean. She enjoys good books, good food, and making people feel incredibly short when she stands next to them in heels. When she is not out in the world having adventures, she can be found hunched over her trusty computer (Arthur Putey) making fun of pop culture and/or herself on her blog.

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Oct 29, 2010  •  In Geek, Video Games, Web

“Oregon Trail”…With ZOMBIES!!!

This is too epic not to share.

Everyone’s favorite video game from elementary school, Oregon Trail, has been re-mixed into a zombie survival game called Organ Trail. Created by a group of indie developers called The Men Who Wear Many Hats, the Flash-based game (sorry, iPad users) is fairly accurate, fun, and completely addictive.

Apparently, I would not make a good leader in a zombie apocalypse as I tend to be too careless and two members of my party have already died (sorry, J and Comang).

What a fantastic game. And just in time for Halloween!

Via Mashable.

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Oct 29, 2010  •  In Art/Design, Star Wars

Vintage-Style Star Wars Travel Posters

Inspired by the vintage travel posters of the early 20th century, illustrator Steve Thomas has created eight retro-style posters that pay homage to my favorite film franchise. Prints are forthcoming!

Via Neatorama.

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Oct 29, 2010  •  In Career, Food, Home

Guest Post: Your Job is Ruining Dinner

I don’t particularly like cooking, and I’m embarrassed to reveal just how many days per week we order in (especially during the latter weeks of my pregnancy). However, home-cooked IS best in my opinion and I prefer my mother’s dishes over a restaurant’s any day.

In this piece Susan ponders if women’s careers have lead to a decrease in homecooked meals and an increase in fast-food joints and take-out menus. Can we have it all?


Here’s a new one in the women/Moms should just stay at home argument; working women are ruining dinner. Shame on us!

All the crazy feminists who aren’t home to cook a good meal have apparently caused all kinds of problems, according to this article. The rise of so many fast food joints? Our fault, ladies. Childhood obesity? Well, not to point any fingers, but if you stopped feeding your kids prepackaged, processed foods…

Cooking has been a woman’s domain, along with childcare. Now that the kids are in daycare and there’s Lean Cuisine, the “gentle art of feminine food” has been lost. I am not exactly sure why men are unable to fire up the oven and whip up a casserole for dinner, but that doesn’t seem to be an option.

Gathering people together around a good meal is a cornerstone of society. This is why we love holidays. Well, that and the time off from work. Home cooked meals are great. And I have to admit, my Mom was right, I really did need to learn how to cook so I wouldn’t starve. But I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, and I shouldn’t be the only one in my house who is responsible for making sure we all get fed (and I’m definitely not, my husband actually likes cooking). I’m sure there is a trend of people cooking less day to day, especially with more families where both parents work outside the home. Does anyone besides Martha Stewart have time to, well, Martha Stewart a meal these days? There’s a reason those Rachel Ray 30 minute meals are so popular. However, that doesn’t mean everyone is eating Cheetos and Coke Zero for dinner. Microwaving may not give you the same warm fuzzy memories as Grandma slaving away over a hot stove. But I’ll take my business attire, heels and all the memories life outside my house is going to give me over slippers and an apron any day. I never really cared for pot roast anyway.

Image from the Seattle Municpal Archives.


About the Author:

Susan Cruickshank is a feminist, blogger and owner of too many pairs of trousers. She investigates women’s career and other work-related issues on her blog Wearing the Trousers. When not blogging, Susan enjoys the local Boston music scene as fan and sometimes performer and spending time with her husband Rob. Her other favorite activity is posting ridiculous pictures of her cats on Facebook.!

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Oct 28, 2010  •  In Art/Design, Entertainment, Infographics, Movies, Web

50 Movies for 50 States

Redditor subtonix made a map of what movies best represent each of the 50 states. Personally, I would have gone with Sleepless in Seattle for Washington, and Grumpy Old Men for Minnesota, but I agree with most of the choices. I especially love Clerks for New Jersey, and Red Dawn for Colorado (Wolverines!).

Do you think your state was accurately represented?

Via GeekTyrant.

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Oct 28, 2010  •  In Geek, Guest Posts, Relationships

Guest Post: TV Boyfriends

Today, Jen returns with a topic I am all too familiar with: TV boyfriends. Like Jen, I also get invested in the characters of my favorite television shows, and can completely understand how one could become attracted to a character (and not the actor).

Do you have any TV boyfriends/girlfriends?


I am a complete TV geek. I love shows with a twist, rather than run-of-the-mill procedurals (though I have watched those too) and sitcoms (some are OK, but I’m not a fan of most of them). What I really like are off-beat dramas and comedies and sci-fi/fantasy; anything that takes me out of my element, I absolutely love. To tell you the truth though, I will watch pretty much anything with great characters.

But, I digress, on to the good stuff…

TV Boyfriends/Girlfriends are those characters that you feel a connection to — you are excited when they appear, they make you laugh, you are pretty happy when they hook up with someone because you get to see them kiss (etc…!). I’m sure you know what I mean — your TV crushes. Now, before I share my top 5, I feel the need to reiterate that TV Boyfriends/Girlfriends are not necessarily the actor that portrays them, but the specific character.

Here is my painstakingly whittled-down list:*

 

5. Jim Halpert, The Office — Seriously, what fan didn’t want to be Pam, especially in the earlier seasons? Enough said.

 

4. Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer — He’s hot, speaks in a British accent you can understand, and he’s the ultimate bad boy. Plus, he pines. I’m a sucker for the pining.

 

3. Simon Tam, Firefly — He can be kind of a jerk, but I really just had a crush on him right along with Kaylee. I can’t really explain it. He is beautiful to look at.

 

2. Seeley Booth, Bones — He’s heroic and obviously in love with his partner. He is also a genuinely good guy, not to mention quite attractive.

 

1. The (Tenth) Doctor, Doctor Who — who could be better than an attractive guy that wants to take you traveling through time and space? Some may prefer Eleven, but I don’t feel like I know him well enough yet. We’re still getting acquainted.

 

Please share your top 5 in the comments! Remember: this is a judgment-free zone.

*I eliminated classic TV, otherwise Rob Petrie would have made the list for sure.


About the Author:

Jen is from Phoenix, AZ, where she lives with her husband and 2 cats. She loves reading, television, photography, design, Americana, and general geekery. You can find her blog at ataleof2monkeys.com and her photography shop at jelitan.etsy.com.

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Oct 28, 2010  •  In Art/Design, Geek, Star Wars

Boba Fett’s Invoice to Jabba the Hutt

Illustrator Brock Davis has created a fictional artifact from the Star Wars universe: an invoice made out to Jabba the Hutt for services rendered by bounty hunter Boba Fett in the capture of Han Solo. Love it!

Via Boing Boing.

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Oct 27, 2010  •  In Baby, Claire, Personal, Pregnancy

The Birth Story, Part 3

Read Part 1 and Part 2

I’ve decided to go a slightly different direction for this final post in Claire’s Birth Story series: a timeline with descriptions. I’m so glad that I wrote down the times and details when it was still fresh in my mind, because I can hardly remember any specifics now!

10:00am — Admitted to labor & delivery at 4cm dilated.

The contractions continued to stay consistent at 2-3 minutes apart, each lasting 1 minute. (Note that the frequency of labor contractions is measured by the time between the start of each contraction, not the length of time between the end of one and the beginning of another. So in reality, I only had about 1-2 minutes between each contraction to breathe easy and rest.)

The nurse who had checked my NST results had mentioned that my contractions were strong for where I was in the labor process, and boy was she right! Each contraction seemed to grow stronger and stronger, and soon I was moaning through the waves of pain and feeling sorry for whoever was rooming in the vicinity.

J was at a loss as to what he can do to help, because as much as I wanted his support and to be able to hold and squeeze his hand, whenever a contraction started I did not want anything touching me. So whenever a contraction started and I started to breathe heavily again, he would take my hand and encourage me to squeeze it…only to be met with a “GET! AWAY! FROM! ME!!!!”

It was also at this time that my father visited. (My parents could not visit at the same time because of the store. My mother would visit later that day.) I felt bad for him — I really did. I’m sure it distressed him greatly to see his eldest daughter writhing and moaning in pain, and as I always like to look strong and well put-together in front of him, I felt sorry that he could not see me later, when the epidural had kicked in. He left after staying only for 15 minutes, and I can’t say that I blamed him.

During my short admittance questionnaire, the nurse had asked me if I had planned on getting an epidural, and my answer was a resounding YES! ASAP! However, the anesthesiologist preferred that I be as hydrated as possible so they wanted an entire bag of IV fluid inside me first. So as I continued to endure one contraction after the next, I kept looking over to see how much saline solution was left in the bag.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, it was empty. I barked at J to go get a nurse.

“I’m ready for the epidural now!” I told her.

“Great. Let me replace the bag with a new one, and as soon as the anesthesiologist is finished administering the epidural next door he will come over here.”

“Isn’t there another anesthesiologist?” I asked.

“I’m sorry, he’s at an emergency c-section at the moment.”

Frickity frick frick! I told myself that I could wait another 15 minutes or so, but it wasn’t for another 45 minutes that the anesthesiologist would arrive.

12:00pm — The anesthesiologist arrives to administer the epidural, 5cm dilated

The anesthesiologist entered the room and I said a short prayer of thanks under my breath. He described the procedure and asked if I had any questions, had me sign some forms, and kicked J out from the room.

(Apparently, most hospitals no longer allow dads to stay in the room while the epidural is administered due to the high instance of men fainting from watching the procedure.)

The nurse who was assisting asked me to sit on the side of the bed, legs dangling down, and curl my back down as much as possible while imagining the bones of my spine slowly separating to make room for the needle.


image source

The only problem was, I’m a fairly petite person with a short torso to match and a huge belly. My belly was in the way of my being able to fully curl my back.

In addition, you know how some people’s spines are fully visible with the bones sticking out? Mine is the exact opposite of that, and the anesthesiologist confessed to having some trouble finding the space between the bones.

He would administer a local anesthetic, and as the numbness set in he’d insert the giant epidural needle. I was to hold completely still and say something if I felt any pain (aside from the giant needle being inserted to my spine, that is). Soon I’d feel a lightening bolt of pain shooting up and down just left of my spine…and the anesthesiologist would stop and start over.

This happened five times.

I honestly didn’t blame the guy. My body was making his job difficult, and all I could think about was the blissful pain-free existence that the epidural would bring.

On the sixth try, I felt a tingly sensation just right of my spine instead of the shooting pain on the left. The doctor then told me that my right leg would feel warm soon…and as soon as I felt the temperature rise I felt the oncoming contraction start to dissipate right away. Success!

The anesthesiologist handed me a button connected to a wire and instructed me to press the button if I started to feel uncomfortable again. What he had given me is a walking epidural, with the catheter that delivers the drugs kept in place. I can potentially walk around (I didn’t — my lazy arse stayed in bed the whole time) and control my level of pain with the button.

I felt human again.

2:30pm — 6-7cm dilated, water broken

After I received the epidural, things got kind of…well, boring. You could see the contractions continuing to come on the monitors, but I honestly did not feel anything and I felt like I was just sitting up in bed. Soon, J and I were joined by my mother, my sister, and my sister-in-law, and we chatted away while watching reruns of Scrubs on my laptop.

At 2:30pm, the on-call doctor from my OB practice arrived to check on my progress. (There are three OBs at this practice, with one being on-call at the hospital at all times. I had made sure to have appointments with all three throughout my pregnancy so that I would be comfortable with all of them.) She checked to discover that I was 6-7cm dilated, and announced that it was time to break my water.

Manually breaking the water was exactly like what I had read: the doctor inserts a long skinny rod that resembles a crocheting needle, moves it around until the water breaks. It was not uncomfortable at all; all I felt was a sudden gush of liquid flowing out from between my legs. After a nurse cleaned me up, it was as if nothing had happened at all.

4:30pm — 7cm dilated, pitocin started

My OB returned two hours later to see that I had not progressed much at all, and so recommended pitocin to get things moving.

I was a bit concerned, because I had read that pitocin can lead to fetal distress and increase the risk of requiring a c-section, so I voiced my opinion. However, the doctor explained that at 7cm, that risk is very minimal and that they will start me on a very low dose.

I agreed, and minutes later a nurse arrived with the pitocin and added it to my IV drip. It was as simple as that.

7:00pm — 7-8cm dilated, pictocin increased

The doctor returned at 7pm to check on my progress and I had barely dilated another centimeter. Since the baby had not reacted adversely to the pitocin, the doctor decided to up the dose.

It was at around this time that J started a Facebook poll to see if the baby would be born that night or the next morning; or more specifically, “Will the baby be a September or October baby?”

We asked the doctor for her opinion, and she replied that since I am a first time mother, my labor will most likely progress slowly and the baby will be born October 1. I was a bit bummed to hear that, because I preferred to have a September baby instead (for the sole reason of my liking odd numbers better than even numbers).

By this time, I was starting to get pretty tired so I decided to take a nap…

8:30pm — almost fully dilated (rim)

I was awoken an hour and a half later by my doctor, who was preparing to head on home for the night (“Don’t worry — I only live five minutes away!” she reassured me) and wanted to make sure I was doing okay.

“You’re almost fully dilated!” she exclaimed. “Well I guess I’m not going home…which works out just fine! You have a rim on your right side, so let’s wait a bit for that to go away.”

She explained that women do not always dilate evenly, and that is what had happened in my case. She had me lie on my right side to help the rim subside, and that is how I remained for another half an hour or so.

9:10pm — fully dilated

When the doctor returned, I was fully dilated. “Do you feel any pressure in your pelvic region?” the doctor asked. Actually, now that she mentioned it, I was starting to feel like I needed to poop with each coming contraction. “Let’s get everything prepared,” she said.

Then she looked on over to J and added, “Daddy, we still don’t know if we’ll have a September or October baby yet.”

The doctor left the room to change into a gown, and the nurse began to get everything ready for delivery by adding a “catching” table to the end of my bed, turning on the warming lamps above the initial examination and cleaning station, setting out other equipment, etc.

9:20pm — one “practice” push

When the nurse was done preparing the room for delivery, she asked me if I wanted to practice pushing. Since I had not taken any childbirth classes, I really didn’t know what to expect, or how to push. (All I knew from girlfriends was that I needed to push like I’m taking a dump.)

“Tuck your chin close to your chest, pull up your legs by pulling on your knees, and push like you’re making a bowel movement. You will push three times with each contraction. Each push will last 10 seconds, then take a quick breath, and push again. Remember to make each inhalation between the pushes as short as possible — you don’t want the baby to move back up!”

Originally, I had wanted J by my head as I pushed because I didn’t want him to see all that gore. However, the nurse encouraged him to hold my other leg up from a position that allowed him to see everything and I found myself not protesting.

When the next contraction came (once again, I didn’t feel any pain…just a feeling like I needed to take a crap), I pushed just as the nurse had described. She exclaimed, “Whoa! The baby’s making her way down! I don’t think you need any more practices.”

9:30pm — start pushing

The doctor finally arrived again and we were ready to roll! She positioned herself at the foot of the bed, with the nurse on my left side and J at my right. When the next contraction started, I started to push…

I know I might get flamed for saying this, but I didn’t find pushing that hard. For me, the hardest part was holding my breath for 10 seconds straight while exerting pressure.

I pushed through 4 contractions for a total of 12 pushes. I felt the doctor massaging my perineum and slowly guiding my labia to the sides. I had no idea if the baby was even moving — the pushing was that easy for me!

As I started the last set of pushes I started to feel immense pressure. During the 11th push I suddenly felt that pressure “pop,” and I’m guessing this is the point where the baby’s head cleared. As I pushed one last time the doctor said, “Jenny, look down and see your daughter!” as she pulled her out.

9:35pm — Claire is born!

 

The Aftermath: 

The baby was barely out of my body when I heard strong wailing. Was that…my DAUGHTER? They handed J a pair of scissors to cut the umbilical cord, and placed the baby on my chest.

I’m sorry to say that the first thought that entered my mind as my daughter was placed on my chest was “Eww.” She was slimy, covered in…stuff, and was bloody. Her nose was squashed and she had a really bad conehead. She was also screaming her little head off which made me feel helpless and defeated.

They then whisked her away to wipe her clean and perform tests. This was all done in the same room so I was able to watch…however, I was in a daze at this point and could only look up at the ceiling.

In the meantime, the doctor delivered the placenta (which I didn’t even feel) and started to stitch me up. I asked what the damage was, and the doctor replied that I had one second-degree tear and a couple of very minor tears. She spent about 15 minutes stitching me up while the nurses continued to attend to Claire.

The nurses informed us that our baby was 19″ long and weighed 6lb 7oz. She did not require breathing assistance of any kind — which they told us that many babies her size need — and performed a 9/9 on her APGARs.

As soon as the baby was diapered and swaddled, they handed her to J to hold while I continued to be stitched up. I lied in bed watching my husband with our daughter for the first time. He wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes and stared in amazement at her.

When the doctor announced that she had finished, the nurses wiped me clean and J came over with Claire, placing her on my chest.


You can see how bloated I was after 12 hours of IV drip and 5 hours of pitocin

“Hi baby,” I whispered to her. “I’m your mommy. You were in my belly for almost ten months. I’m so happy to meet you…”

 

(Almost) 4 Weeks Later:

It’s amazing how they change so fast, isn’t it? I am slowly growing to love my daughter with all my heart.


Picture taken two days ago.

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Oct 27, 2010  •  In Art/Design, Books, Cute, Entertainment, Funny

Man Men Mr. Men

Are you familiar with the popular children’s book series “Mr. Men”? Well, the clever folks at thepoke.co.uk has mashed it up the AMC hit series Mad Men for some amusing results…

 

 

They’ve even created a complete story called “Mr. Sterling Gets Angry” —

 

 

Via The New York Times.

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Oct 26, 2010  •  In Art/Design, Funny, Geek, Science

The Physics of Everyday Life, Illustrated

Illustrator Christoph Niemann has an article up in the NYTimes online called Unpopular Science which showcases simple and funny chalkboard drawings of the physics of everyday life.

My favorite has to be this one:

Head on over to the original for more hilarious illustrations and captions!

Via kottke.org.

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