Oct 20, 2010  •  In Food, Geek, Guest Posts

Guest Post: Geeky Halloween Treats

Stephanie returns with the third and final installment to her Halloween series, and this time she focuses on a topic that would make anyone salivate: food! Enjoy!


As with any real shindig, it’s not a party until you are snackin’ on something delicious. In light of that, here are some manageable and scrumptious treats for your Halloween party. Though I love a delicious and artistic cupcakes, Halloween is the only time of the year that you can make gross or strange food and everyone loves it!

Since Halloween is all about the trick-or-treat, I thought I would put together a round-up of tricky treats (see what I did there? Alright, it wasn’t that great…) to fool your guests. Check out these strange snacks:

Start with a selection of strange drinks: I’m a fan of these radioactive glasses (they come with a recipe for green slime!):

But you could also have these eerily realistic denture ice cubes from Fred & Friends floating in whatever you’re serving:

Once everyone has quenched their thirst, the attention should focus on your spread (I always do just snacks or dessert for a Halloween party, no need to make a full meal!) of tasty though potentially strange foods.

I like this trick and treat idea for “sweet sushi” (and after having tested it) I vote yes:

If not, come to the dark side, via Sweet Me Up:

There are way too many options of what to munch on at your next creepy fete, but if the above haven’t been creepy enough, try jellied eyeballs or Abby Normal cupcakes, à la Young Frankenstein:

Frau Blücher? With all of that (and your choice of entertainment) you have all the tools you need to craft a kickin’ Halloween party, brains and zombies included!

Trick or Treat!


About the Author:

Stephanie is a third year college student, splitting her time between her laptop and sewing machine (and of course school and work!). When she’s not planning another do-it-yourself project, she catches up on what’s new in the blog-world and regales readers with her latest creations and revelations via Real Fine Place. If you like clever projects, innovation and authenticity, she would love to meet you.

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Oct 19, 2010  •  In Baby, Claire, Motherhood, Parenting, Personal

Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 5)

Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 1)
Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 2)
Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 3)
Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 4)

Do what works best for you and your family.

I repeat: Do what works best for you and your family.

Books, articles, and internet forums are great sources of information and advice. But don’t drive yourself crazy trying to follow everything to the teeth.

Because as soon as I decided to take my mother’s advice and cut down on my marathon pumping sessions, I actually started producing MORE milk. Additionally, I was better-rested, less stressed, and gave my nipples a chance to heal.

I gradually cut down my pumping sessions from every 2 hours to every 3-4 hours…then every 5-6 hours.


The Medela Pump In Style® Advanced Shoulder Bag: my best (breast?) friend and worst enemy

Today, at 19 days post-partum, I only pump 4 or 5 times in a 24 hour period, and I am producing 2-3 times the amount of milk that my baby needs…and my supply shows no signs of dwindling. I have a hefty stock of pumped breastmilk in the refrigerator and am starting to amass quite a collection in the freezer as well.

And now that my milk supply is sufficient for my hungry daughter (she continues to consume above the average amount for her weight but she seems healthy and happy so we are not concerned), I am ready to try taking her to my breast again. I have even purchased nipple shields and bottles that most closely resemble the human breast in order to make the transition as smooth as possible.

However, I will not worry too much if she ends up never taking my breast again.

Because at this point, exclusively pumping is working for us. Other people are able to take care of Claire while I nap, take showers, and — eventually — go out and have some “me” time away from the baby.

Sure, exclusively pumping has some drawbacks. Breastmilk loses some of its nutritional value once it is cooled, and even more so once it is frozen. A mother and child may not bond as well as they may with directly breastfeeding. And it is a lot of work cleaning and sterilizing all the pumping parts after each session.

However, they say that pumped breastmilk is still better than formula. Exclusively pumping is starting to gain in popularity and I have found much support and resources in sites like The Lactivist and Exclusively Pumping. So if this is what ends up working for me and my family, neither J nor I will have any problems with this solution. (Besides, J loves feeding Claire!)

This will be the last post in this series.

I am sure that I will have additional — and probably more difficult — challenges ahead of me as a new mother.

I still struggle at times, especially in the middle of the night when Claire won’t sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time and will only stop crying when I walk around with her in my arms.

Or when I catch myself in the mirror, baby in my arms, and I ask myself, “Whose baby am I holding?” (Nope, she doesn’t quite feel like MINE yet…)

And I still feel silly talking to her. Did/does anyone else have this problem?

But at the moment, I am starting to get the hang of it…being a mother, that is.

And I hope that I have helped new and future mothers by sharing this journey.

Next up: my labor story! (I know I seem to be going backwards, but bear with me here!)

Thank you to everyone for your support, advice, and prayers!

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Oct 19, 2010  •  In Entertainment, Geek, Guest Posts, Movies, Video Games

Guest Post: Comic-Con — The Real Deal

New York may have its own Comic-Con (which unfortunately coincided with a new baby this year), but nothing can compare to the original and the best: San Diego Comic-Con. J and I always said that we will make a trip out to the West Coast one year to partake in its magnificence, but now that we have a baby it might be quite some time before we can do so. Perhaps we can make it a family trip when our kids are a bit older?

Fortunately, for the time being, I can live vicariously through other attendees like Jen who has offered to write a post on her Comic-Con experience. Enjoy!


Be honest, some of those reading this who have never been to Comic-Con are picturing people in ill-fitting costumes, arguing about the finer points of the mechanical operation of the Starship Enterprise*. Am I right? Well, hopefully, if you are reading Jenny’s blog, you know that geeks come in a variety of packages, but the former can still be the widely-held perception.

I made the pilgrimage to San Diego this past July, and had an absolute blast. First of all, there are costumes, and some of them are absolutely amazing, either in the incredibly detailed recreations of existing costumes, or a clever play on a character, like the guys dressed as Boba Fett and Darth Vader, re-imagined as pimps. There are opportunities for fun photo ops abound, and if you like dressing up and creating costumes, you will never find a more appreciative audience than there.

In fact, being a part of the incredibly appreciative audience at Comic-Con was my favorite part about being there. I liken the experience to going to a fantastic movie on opening night, and gasping and cheering and laughing along with your fellow audience-members. Now, imagine that experience, but with thousands of people in the audience, and the actors and creators are there, in person, to give you the behind-the-scenes stories, their take on the characters, and maybe even a few hints about what’s to come. You get to laugh and cheer and clap for them, and they are just as excited as you are, and in awe of all the attention and support. How often do TV and movie stars really get to experience a live audience?

One of my memorable moments was the experience of watching an episode of Eureka, since it aired the Friday night of the conference, with hundreds of other fans and several cast members who (surprise!) showed up to watch it with us. The amount of reaction when something funny or exciting happened was so much that it startled me several times! When you are used to watching something in your living room and all of sudden you are doing it with hundreds of others, it can be a little jarring, but also exhilarating. 

It was such a thrilling weekend in so many ways. Watching Stephen Moyer describe exactly how they got Lorena’s head to turn all the way around in that scene was hilarious. Hearing Alan Ball (creator of True Blood) earnestly thank Charlaine Harris for creating Sookie Stackhouse’s world was heartwarming. The roar was deafening when Joss Whedon officially announced that he would be directing The Avengers. Hearing the Mythbusters gang recount some great stories was a blast. Meeting Janet Evanovich, and being able to tell her in person that I think her Stephanie Plum novels are hilarious was great. Seeing the cast of Futurama do a live table read in their character voices was just icing on the cake.

Countless other cool things happened; it’s impossible to experience all of them in one weekend. It makes all the line-waiting worth it.

I hope this helps to explain the cult phenomenon of Comic-Con a little better. It’s really about being a fan, and that’s not a bad thing.

*I have to say that I’m a big fan of Star Trek, so no offense intended to Trekkies


About the Author:

Jen is from Phoenix, AZ, where she lives with her husband and 2 cats. She loves reading, television, photography, design, Americana, and general geekery. You can find her blog at ataleof2monkeys.com and her photography shop at jelitan.etsy.com.

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Oct 18, 2010  •  In Art/Design, Entertainment

Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce Floorplan

What did everyone think of last night’s season finale of Mad Men?

I managed to catch it — little by little between the 2:34am diaper change and and the 4:56am feeding last night — and I ended up becoming incredibly frustrated due to the fact that I watched it alone. Well, not completely alone but there are only so much “What the FREAK just happened?!?” and “Did I catch that correctly?” remarks you can say to a baby in an extremely sleep-deprived state before you start questioning your own sanity and wondering if you are making up extra plotlines in your head.

Anyways.

Illustrator Tadej Štrok decided to celebrate the season finale by creating the floor plan of the Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce office and I couldn’t help but bookmark it to share with my readers. I especially love the mysterious room marked “Whiskey storage?” Enjoy!

Via Curbed.

P.S. — This season of Mad Men has definitely been the best yet! I can’t wait to see what they have in store for Season 5!

P.P.S. — I only just realized that the actor who plays Pete Campbell is the one who portrayed Angel’s son Connor in the show Angel. I knew there was something familiar(ly annoying) about him!

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Oct 18, 2010  •  In Guest Posts, Travel

Guest Post: Eat Pray Love, Travel Edition

Here is another guest post from Elyssa. Today, she draws inspiration from the book-turned-movie Eat Pray Love to talk about her travel experience and aspirations, filled with some truly inspirational pictures. Enjoy!

Note: This post was written last month when Eat Pray Love was released in theaters.


Eat Pray Love hits theaters this Friday (note to self…go see) so I thought it would be fun to ask my readers where out of the three countries she goes to (Italy, Bali and India) you would like to see the most.

As most of you now know, J and I travel A LOT. And we’ve been fortunate enough to have been to Italy and Bali. So, as for me I would want to hit up India since it’s the only one left out of that group. Reasonable, right? Me thinks so.

 

Italy:

You can’t go wrong with Italy.  From the jagged coasts

To the breathtaking Tuscany region…

To the Palladio inspired Piedmont region…

And back to one of my Top 5 cities, Venice.

Italy honestly has it all. And no, I did not “forget” Rome. You can have Rome. There are so many better and more lovely places in Italy.

 

Bali:

I’m not going to go into Bali since you can link back to it at the top of this post and see our pictures that we took. It’s a great place. But it’s in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. If you can swing it, go and see it. Just remember to upgrade to at least business class. You can thank me later.

 

India:

Now this is not a place that everyone wants to go. Most of us who think of India think of this:

Or this:

India is one of those countries where I will admit, I’d be a snob. I’d want to see this, at sunrise with a private tour guide:

While staying here:

I’d sidestep a little Bourne and hit up Goa:

I’d cross my fingers and hope to hell that Mumbai was safe so I could see some of the best Medieval architecture in India:

And then, I’d licketyspit my arse over to Nepal.

I’m sure I’ve left out a lot of India that many people can rave over but these would be my highlights. So tell me, where would you go?


About the Author:

I’m just a girl, living in Seattle. With the boy, J, the dog, Gwen, and the kitty. I love to muse about things that little ole sarcastic me thinks is funny on my blog TwentyFiveFifty.  Pretty simple stuff! Thank you Geek in Heels for letting me guest blog. Congratulations to you and your family!

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Oct 18, 2010  •  In Baby, Motherhood, Parenting, Personal, Relationships, Touching

Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 4)

Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 1)
Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 2)
Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 3)

My mother arrived that fateful day with one mission: to take care of her own baby — me. Sure, she wanted to see Claire, hold her and coo over her, but her sole purpose was to look after me and to make sure that I was well on the road to recovery.

Ten days port-partum, I was still: 

  • Majorly swollen from water retention. In the past, being hooked up to an IV for just three hours had left me swollen for days, so you can imagine what 12 hours of IV and 5 hours of pitocin — another med that is notorious for causing water retention — did to me. The day after giving birth, my sister looked horrified as she pointed out that I had “Shrek feet,” and I had trouble bending and flexing every joint for a full week after birth.
  • Bleeding. They say that most women will experience post-partum bleeding for 7-10 days after birth, but I am still bleeding as I write this…a full 17 days after giving birth.
  • Experiencing pain in my cooch. I had gotten one short but deep second-degree tear from delivering vaginally, and needless to say it hurt whenever I sat down or got up. (The funny thing is, I have never gotten stitches before so I found the prospect of getting stitched up for the first time in my life on my hooha pretty amusing.)
  • Feeling like a failure for all the trouble I was having breastfeeding.
  • Suffering from the effects of crazy fluctuating hormones. I was crying every day, and every little thing seemed to set me off. Luckily, I have gotten MUCH better since then, and I’m pretty sure that I am not suffering from post-partum depression.

As soon as my mother arrived she ordered me to bed. She probably spent a total of 2 minutes with the baby before she began putting away the food that she had brought for me. She began cooking a monstrous pot of 미역국 (miyukgook, or Korean seaweed soup which is supposed to be very nutritious and helpful for post-partum recovery and increasing milk supply). She did the dishes and steam-mopped the floors. She folded the laundry, and as soon as the 미역국 was ready she brought me a big bowl to eat in bed.

My mother massaged my swollen calves, feet and ankles. She helped prepare warm compresses for my breasts and tsked tsked over the state of my blistered and bleeding nipples. She brought me the baby to hold and embrace.

I started to cry once more, because as much as I know that my in-laws care for me, I knew that when it came down to it their primary concern was for the baby. My MIL had been preparing dishes for us to eat and J had been a tremendous help, but I had been taking second place to the baby all this time. My own mother was putting me first and it was so clearly obvious that I couldn’t help but break down.


My mother and me when I was about a month old

When I described to her the troubles I had been having breastfeeding/pumping in-between tears, she asked me why I needed to pump every two hours.

“Because that’s what all the books and websites say.”

“But every woman is different,” she challenged. “You need to give your nipples some time to rest and heal. Right now, the frequency and intensity at which you’re pumping keeps re-opening your blisters and creates new ones.”

“But all the sources say that the more frequently I empty my breasts, the faster my body will build up my milk supply.”

“Listen to me. Pumping every two hours is not only ruining your nipples, but it’s putting tremendous stress and pressure on you. Doesn’t stress affect milk supply too?”

She then went on to tell me how worried she is for me, especially in light of my previous stress-induced health problems (I had suffered a minor stroke two summers ago from the stress of my wedding and my new life as a newlywed). She told me the story of my father’s friend — how his wife was just like me: forever wanting to take care of everything herself, always putting additional pressure on herself, never asking others for help and always putting on a happy face in front of others. How she had suffered a massive stroke at the age of 41. How the entire right side of her body has been paralyzed as a result. How her two young children has had to grow up with a mother who is confined to a hospital bed.

“Don’t you think that a messy kitchen is preferable to leaving your child and husband to fend for themselves?” my mother emphasized.

I only cried harder.

When I began to feel sleepy, she quietly left the room and reappeared a few hours later with another bowl of 미역국. It was time for her to leave, she told me. She reminded me that I cannot take care of a baby unless I take care of myself first. She kissed me goodbye, and left.

To be continued…


Read the conclusion:

Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 5)

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Oct 17, 2010  •  In Guest Posts, Relationships, Sports

Guest Post: Baseball & Relationships

When Alycia first contacted me about writing a post comparing baseball to relationships, I thought, ‘Cool! Why not?’

Then I realized that she would be writing about the Yankees. Bleech.  I’m not much of a baseball fan, but if I had to choose, I much prefer the Mets over the Yankees.

But how is this a reason to refuse a guest post from such an obviously sweet and passionate fan? Besides, for all I know, my readership might be FULL of Yankee fans and I just don’t know if because I never talk about them (so DO we have any Yankee fans out there?).

Enjoy!


I’ve always said baseball is like a relationship. If you follow any given season you’ll notice that a season of baseball equates to about two years in a relationship.

Both baseball and relationships usually start out slow and steady, with dazed excitement over the newness of it all and casual day dreams of what will happen. Anything is possible in those first few months —championships, cute kids, you name it.

Then you get to the mid point — the All Star game for baseball, usually month 6 or 7 in relationships — and the trends mirror each other; you’ve been together a while now and are used to the moods of your chosen partner. You know which pitchers will cause a problem and who is lacking on offense. You become comfortable with each other and while still a little giddy and excited for what is to come, you start to notice the quirks and problems of your partner (or team). Things that you found so charming and enticing when you first started out now gets under your skin and makes you roll your eyes or yell at the television…

So what is my point?! Well the season is coming to an end and it is almost time for playoffs. And for me — being the spoiled, demanding, eager Yankee fan I am — it’s the start of the green eyed monster )not to be confused with the Green Monster at Fenway).

It’s the start of the bad part of my relationship with baseball. Now is the time I will be stressed out the most. Gone will be the woman involved in other things like my human relationship, friends, cleaning the house, reading and so forth. I will only care about the next play off game, the next match up and who exactly will make up our starting rotation.

The Yankees and how they play will become my relationship. I already speak as if I am on the team (but really, what fan doesn’t?!) and often speak as if I know how to run the team better than current management.

The Yankees made it to the post season last year, and needless to say, game six of the world series brought out the worst in me. There was yelling, cursing, pacing. I was a mad woman — demanding that obvious balls be called as strikes against the Phillies so they could just go away.

It will be worse this year because post season falls right in the middle of my wedding and honeymoon. And yes — you better believe I will search every paper in Italy until I find one that will give me the score to all the post season games.

The upside?! If the Yanks make it to the world series, B and I will be home to watch it.

Well…it’s an upside for me at least.

* * *

Anyone else excited about post season baseball?! Check out the crazy schedule here.


About the Author:

The Wonder Wall is tirelessly maintained by Alycia aka Miss Yankee who resides in Northern California. An avid fan of Disney and the Yankees, you can usually find Alycia in Disneyland or at a Yankee game. When not following her first two passions, Alycia is developing her other interests in photography and history and attempting to make it to graduate school. To follow Alycia’s journey, check out The Wonder Wall at: http://yankeeswonderwall.blogspot.com/

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Oct 16, 2010  •  In Baby, Finance, Guest Posts, Motherhood, Parenting

Guest Post: Baby Budgeting — Childcare

Our next post comes from my friend Donna, who has been a tremendous help and support throughout this pregnancy. I had been hoping that a guest blogger would volunteer to do a post on budgeting for a baby, so when she brought up the idea I couldn’t be happier.

Donna will be doing a three-part series on baby budgeting. Today she delves into the first topic of the series: childcare. Enjoy!


Baby budget…
Sure, there are those baby budget items like a crib or a carseat but those are more baby budget purchases. I’m talking about the big ticket items like Childcare, Diapers, and Food.


Who am I?

My name is Donna and I’ve been blogging since 1996 on my own website but have stuck to my blog since 2001. My blog has been privatized due to crazy stalkers (ex-boyfriends and some other nutty people) but I’m a huge blogger. I’m a Midwest girl at heart who spent 7 years in Southern California and moved back to Chicago for a job, fell in love with just a friend, married him and now we have our little running ball of energy son.

My blog is mostly about our silly day to day antics but as a single income household, I’m huge on budgeting and financial tips. I love planning; whether it be wedding planning or planning workshops or conventions, I love being organized and using spreadsheets. I have an amazing 1.5 year old son (I promised my husband that I’d stop counting in months once he hit 18 months old) who rocks my world every day.

For childcare, I am going to do a quick comparison of family care, nanny, in-home daycare and daycare centers.

For diapers, I am going to compare cloth diapers and disposable diapers, and tips on saving for disposable diapers.

For milk, I am going to briefly touch upon breastfeeding and formula feeding and how to save on both. I’m also going to talk about how easy and cheap making your own baby food is. It’s so good that I would take a straw and drink his baby food just like a smoothie!

Childcare:

Family Care — sure, that is WONDERFUL if you can get FREE childcare and have Grandma, Grandpa, or whomever watch him. But keep in mind that sometimes, personal opinions will clash. “Sure, it’s okay to give honey to a 6 month old if he has a cough.” Or “You don’t need a set schedule — we just let him go until he’s tired.” If you don’t get that, then, great — I say go with it. My husband and I are ALWAYS saying to the Grandparents, “We love you. However, you hated it when Grandma/Grandpa told you how to raise us, so PLEASE stop telling us how to raise our children.” However, you will get that personal loving touch that only a family member can provide.

Or heck, if you can afford it — it’s a great opportunity for a stay at home mom/dad. When my husband was laid off for a bit, he was a fabulous stay at home dad during that time and it really opened up his eyes and garnered much appreciation from him for all stay at home parents out there, including his own mom.  Being a SAHM/D is a full-time job and they should definitely be appreciated for everything that they do.

Nanny — this can be great — you invite someone into your household to be a part of your family. You’re their employer so it’s a thin line. You can ask them to keep a journal of your baby’s goings ons, their food/milk intake and their output (ie, pee and poop). However, this is the priciest option around $2000+/month. There is the au-pair where the nanny lives in your home so it’s cheaper but unless you have a spare bedroom and/or bathroom, it might not be the best choice for you.

Home Daycares — this is also another great option since it’s like a playdate every day with kids of different age groups. It is cheaper than daycare centers — we looked at home daycares ranging from $800-$1200 a month. I will say this: you get what you pay for. The $800 monthly one was in a not so great neighborhood and one of the things that the main daycare provider was proud of was her DVD collection of kid shows. The $1200 monthly one showed us all the different toys and plans of what the kids go through, kept a checklist of what happened through the day, provided food and as the kids get older, and taught them stuff to do throughout the day.

Daycare centers — this is a great option if it’s within your price range. There is no fear of a 2 year old biting your 6 month old or trying to pick him up. Each room is age based and these are true professionals who handle your child. On top of that, there is no worry about the home daycare provider, nanny or family member getting sick and your having to find backup childcare. I found that these ran roughly $1500+ a month and that $1500 is with the local YMCA childcare center!

Keep in mind that this is just a general overview, especially since each one of these options could lead to a whole entry in itself.

What did we end up doing? I am one of those fortunate people that lives close by work. I live 9 blocks from work. One of my colleagues has a son that is only 5 weeks younger than my son. So, when the boys were 3 and 4 months old, we settled on a nannyshare. Our nanny (found through sittercity.com that we love to bits and pieces) comes to my home every day and takes care of both the boys. For the other family, it’s like dropping off their kid at a home daycare except for the fact that the nanny gives more personal attention since there’s only two children and not one adult per 3-4 kids.

The best part is — we split the cost between two families so it’s actually pretty affordable for us which ended up being cheaper than the home daycare of our preference. I also don’t have to bother paying for work parking and since the nannyshare is so close to work, we’ll sometimes do lunch dates and meet up with the boys and the nanny for lunch or go to the library or park during lunch. Or if I have to take my son to the doctor’s for a checkup, I can do it all during my lunch break.

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Oct 15, 2010  •  In Baby, Comang, Cute, Parenting, Personal

Missing My First Baby

Despite my protests, I became outnumbered by J and my parents. According to J, he does not have the energy to take care of me, the baby, and a dog. According to my parents, a dog will only bring added stress to our new life as parents.

As a result, Comang has been staying at my parents’ since Claire’s birth and will stay there for at least another few weeks. My sister is back in NY for the year, so Comang has a friend — my sister’s dog Dante — to keep him company. I know that he is probably happier there than in our cramped apartment with a new baby and J’s parents visiting daily (they do not like dogs much). But the fact remains that he was our first baby, and I really really miss him.

Seeing this photo in my Google Reader just now set me off:


image source

I proceeded to go through pictures of Comang in my computer and had a good, long cry.

The other day I asked J if he missed Comang and he replied, “Eh…” I know that the indifferent response was more likely due to stress and fatigue than his actual affection for the dog, but I wanted to punch my husband all the same for seeming so heartless.

I really miss ya, buddy. Please don’t forget about me and I can’t wait to see you again.

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Oct 15, 2010  •  In Baby, Claire, Motherhood, Parenting, Personal

Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 3)

Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 1)
Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 2)

Before I begin, I wanted to thank everyone for the supportive and helpful comments and advice. It really is encouraging to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

At the same time, I couldn’t help but notice that not one person has stepped in to say, “It’s okay to formula-feed. Not breastfeeding your child does not make you a bad mother.”

Isn’t it funny the tremendous pressure and guilt-trips put on new mothers these days to breastfeed? There is a whole generation of people who were formula-fed, and they seem to be doing fine. I personally know many babies, children, and adults who were formula-fed and they are all perfectly healthy.

I know that breast is best. But at the same time, I don’t think mothers should be made to feel guilty if they choose to give their babies formula instead, nor do I believe a mother should feel forced to breastfeed if it is making her completely miserable.

</rant>

Everyone, including myself, expected Claire to be a large baby. But even at 39 weeks and 4 days, she was a scrawny little thing with wrinkly skin that had not yet developed enough fat underneath.

She also tested on the borderline for jaundice. A common ailment, for sure, but one that made this new mother ultra-paranoid about providing enough nutrition for her baby.


Coming home from the hospital. Notice how huge the pacifier looks
in relation to her head. She was too small even for the carseat!

My milk did not come in until the fifth day of Claire’s life (for most women, it comes in on the third or fourth day). Until then, my body continued to produce colostrum, but it was not enough to satisfy my hungry baby. She continued to cry and wail at my breast. We really believed that we were doing the right thing by supplementing with formula, and our pediatrician agreed, considering her dropping weight and worsening jaundice.

We ended up supplementing with formula for the first ten days of Claire’s life. In the meantime, I pumped like a maniac, drank about a gallon of water a day, had J run out to buy Mother’s Milk Tea, and ate tons of foods that — according to Eastern medicine — are believed to help a new mother recover and increase her milk supply.

I continued to try to breastfeed, but Claire would have none of it. She was a lazy, inefficient suckler. And by this point I was too tired to keep trying. We decided to focus on bringing up my milk supply first, and feed her pumped milk from a bottle in the meantime.

Because I was pumping every 2-3 hours for at least 30 minutes each session, I was exhausted whenever I was not pumping. My nipples began to protest at their new roles by cracking, bleeding, and developing painful blisters that reappeared with each pumping session. I rubbed breastmilk on them (which is supposed to have healing properties), slathered on Lansinoh Lanolin, tried saline soaks and warm compresses without much relief. More than once I had to throw away pumped breastmilk from the blood that had seeped into them…and all mothers should know how difficult it is to throw away pumped milk, especially during these early stages, as it seems as precious as liquid gold.

I cried after each pumping session because my breasts and nipples hurt so much. I didn’t want anything touching them and remained topless when I was not pumping, which meant that I was confined to my bedroom as my in-laws came over every day to help with the new baby. I couldn’t even hold my own baby because my nipples hurt so much.

I felt like a milking machine. The fact that I hardly saw my baby during the day did not help matters much. I was glad that my in-laws came over to help every day, but I also resented them for taking away my baby and my chance to bond with her.

During the nights, I would try my best to take care of my baby, but still continued to feel disconnected to her. I have never been the type to coo over babies, but I figured that this would change when I have my own kids. I was wrong. I felt silly talking or singing to her. If she didn’t need to be changed, fed, or consoled, I left her in her bassinet. Instead I roamed the house like a topless zombie, stressing over the messy state of my home and even attempted to clean (but usually ended up getting caught and reprimanded by J for not resting).

It would be the tenth day of Claire’s life when my own mother dropped by for a visit that I saw the light…

To be continued…


Read the rest of the series:

Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 4)
Motherhood: The Most Difficult Journey Yet (Part 5)

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