Following yesterday’s post, I received several comments and emails telling me that I need to chill out. All of them came from well-meaning people who are concerned on my behalf, so I did not take offense to them. However, I felt that I needed to write this post to clarify my position on the subject.

Yes, J and I are actively trying to get pregnant, and have been for the past 3 months. However, we do not let baby-making interfere with our lives in a negative way. I do not have babies on my mind 24-7. Am I sad that we are not yet pregnant? Yes. But am I crying over it? No (aside from that one time when I was majorly PMSing).

I do not consider baby-making my first or sole reason for having sex, because I love having sex with my husband. It is enjoyable, pleasurable, and fun. We do not roll our eyes at “having to do it again,” nor do we force ourselves to have sex.

I have the tendency to dramatize my life on this blog, and for that I apologize.

As for stress? Well I have always been a high-strung person. My type-A personality does not allow me to “let things go” or “just let it happen.” It kills me (again, with the dramatization) that I cannot control my own body, to make myself get pregnant and have a healthy baby.

And it is for this reason that I started charting. I actually have found charting relaxing and comforting. Heck, who am I kidding? I LOVE CHARTS, GRAPHS, AND TABLES! I love the fact that there are free sites like FertilityFriend that keeps track of not only your basal body temperature, but other signs of fertility as well.

A random woman’s chart on FertilityFriend

As you can see above, there are areas of the chart that allow you to enter almost everything that may indicate your fertility levels: basal body temperature, cervical mucus, saliva…even moods and bodily functions! You can also keep track of which days you are having sex, which part of the day you are having sex, which days you are menstruating/spotting, etc.

Charting has helped me be more in tune with my body,
and given me some semblance of control over my fertility.

Some may call it obsessive, but I like looking at my chart and trying to figure out what’s going on with my body and when. J thinks it’s cute that I chart; he knows how much I love this kind of stuff and encourages me to do it.

In fact, I like it so much that I think I’ll continue to do this even when I get pregnant, and after having babies as well.

I know that everything is in God’s will and plan, and I accept that. But this doesn’t mean that I can’t pray about it every day, and even help myself along.

I must really live in a bubble, because I only just found out about the Haiti earthquake.

More than 100,000 died in yesterday’s 7.0 quake 10 miles from the capital of Port-au-Prince. The powerful earthquake flattened the president’s palace and the main prison, the cathedral, hospitals, schools and thousands of homes. Thousands are still trapped.

And here I am, boo-hooing about my fertility problems.

Let’s all keep Haiti in our prayers.

# # #

Last week, a regular customer at my mother’s store came in after a 2-week vacation.

Upon learning that she had been to Nigeria to visit relatives, I asked if the country is still a dangerous place to visit.

“Oooohh yes. In fact, we narrowly escaped an attack one night!”

“That’s horrible! What happened?”

“We were to go visit my aunt’s house one night for her birthday. But due to a horrible storm, we were not able to make it. The next day we found out that my aunt’s house was raided by armed gunmen that night…they knew Americans would be visiting and had targeted the house hoping to get our money.”

O_O (that’s me gaping with my eyes wide open)

“The scary thing is, it had to be an insider job, because not too many people knew we were coming. These gunmen would’ve shot us dead. They would have killed us after taking our money, or they would have killed us because we didn’t have enough money. God sure was looking down on us that night.”

I have been poring over pregnancy, miscarriage, fertility, and TTC (trying to conceive) boards for the past few months. Here are a few things that made me go “huh” while clucking my tongue in (disgusted) surprise:

1. The woman’s body is (usually) a toxic environment for sperm.

The vaginal vault has a very low pH (acidic) of about 3 or 4, while sperm only thrive in alkaline environments (such as semen, with a normal pH of 7.2-7.8). That means that my body is prepared to kill J’s little swimmers within an hour or two of entering my body. Good to know!

The good news is that right before ovulation, a woman’s cervical mucus will turn alkaline and will create a more “friendly” environment for sperm.

(This type of cervical mucus is referred to as EWCM in baby board speak, or “egg white cervical mucus.” It looks like, and has the consistency of egg white: clear, thick, and stretchy. Have I grossed you out yet? Wait, it gets better as we move on.)

The bad news? This only allows for a maximum 5 days (it is usually closer to 2-3 days) every cycle for me to get knocked up.

As such, I have started to add “Please don’t kill the little swimmers; little swimmers are our friends.” to my post-coital pep talks to my uterus.

2. In case you were wondering, there is a way to differentiate between semen and EWCM.

When I first read about the characteristics of EWCM, the first though that popped into my head was, “Hmm that sounds a lot like my hubby’s spunk.”

Again, TMI. I know.

So how does one tell the difference between EWCM and semen leaking out of your hooha when you’ve been doing it like rabbits trying to conceive?

EWCM is very elastic. When you put it between two fingers, it will stretch without breaking apart, while semen will break apart almost immediately.

EWCM is clear while semen is a bit cloudy.

EWCM does not absorb easily. You can try the toilet paper test: if it sits atop the toilet paper even after a few minutes, it is EWCM. If it absorbs, it is semen.

EWCM will form a ball in water. Let some drop into the toilet: if it balls up and sinks, it is EWCM. If it dissolves, it is semen.

And from my personal experience, semen smells like bleach. (Don’t tell me I’m the only girl who’s noticed this phenomenon.)

3. You can increase your chances of having a boy/girl by…

…timing your sexcapades.

It usually takes 15-30 minutes for sperm to reach a woman’s fallopian tubes, where fertilization takes place. However, sperm can live inside a woman’s body for up to five days.

In addition, studies have shown that male sperm swim faster but die quicker, while female sperm swim slower but survive longer.

So with all this in mind…

If you want a boy, have sex on the day before and the day of your ovulation. This will allow the faster male sperm to get to the egg first.

If you want a girl, have sex 4-2 days prior to ovulation, and abstain from sex two days before and one day after ovulation. This will allow the slower, longer-lived, female sperm to be ready for fertilization when ovulation does occur. However, keep in mind that conceiving a girl can be more difficult since you are abstaining on your peak fertility day.

4. You are not extra-fertile right after giving birth, a miscarriage, or going off the pill.

This is a myth, perpetuated by the high reports of surprise pregnancies among women in these situations.

Think about it: after a birth/miscarriage/going off the pill, your hormones get all out of whack. Your body goes into overdrive trying to regulate itself again, and while the surge in certain hormones may help some women get pregnant again, it does not make everyone a super baby creating machine.

Meanwhile, your ovulatory cycle is most likely off so you can’t time the days you have sex. It is only natural that there is a high instance of surprise pregnancies for women who have just given birth, suffered a miscarriage, or recently went off the pill.

5. There is a sh*tload of things you can do to increase your chances of getting pregnant —

— but nothing that will knock you up.

So far I am only charting my BBT (basal body temperature) and have started taking baby aspirin every day. And based on my BBT chart, I am pretty certain that I ovulated this past Sunday…but at this point all we can do is wait under the end of the month.

I remain hopeful that this time will be it.

If it isn’t, I am prepared to pull out all the stops. Vitamin B6. Evening Primrose Oil. Pre-Seed. Progesterone. The Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor. Even charting my cervical mucus, when the mere idea of it grosses me out.

Or I could just give up, start birth control again and start drinking 6 cups of coffee a day while chain-smoking. Because that’s when everyone else seems to get pregnant, no?

Earlier this week I met with my OB to discuss some questions that had been plaguing me; mainly, why the heck can’t I get pregnant again?

Before getting pregnant my periods were like clockwork: every 27 days, lasting 5 days. I think I’ve had only a handful of instances in the past decade where I was late.

Now I have no idea where I’m at. My first period after losing the baby came 36 days after the surgery. The period after that? 41 days. Each were excruciating with extra blood. Remember my bleeding through onto the couch? Well that was nothing compared to the second period where the blood went through a tampon AND a pad, my underwear, and onto my pants every 3-4 hours.

I still haven’t lost the weight I gained from the pregnancy, and while my boobs are definitely softer, they still remain humongous at D-cups. I cringe whenever I see my monstrous bras.

My OB says that this is nothing to worry about, as there is nothing wrong with me physically. Everyone’s body is different and mine is taking a bit longer to adjust.

Then there’s the getting pregnant again part. We’re both relatively young (29 & 31) and healthy. We’ve been having sex regularly. Why haven’t we gotten pregnant yet?

I know, I know — three months is nothing compared to some couples who try for years and years without success. I just never thought that we would be one of those couples.

I never thought I would be one of those women, taking my basal body temperature every day and charting my cycle. I never thought I would become fluent in TTC (trying to conceive) talk:

Since my m/c in October my AF has be really irregular. We do the BD every day but still haven’t gotten a BFP after three months. I’ve been charting my BBT but am too grossed out to check my CM…however, I thought I saw some EWCM the other day. Have I o’d and missed it? Should I take a HPT, or just stock up on OPKs?

I never thought I would hope for every twinge/pain/discomfort to be a sign of ovulation or implantation. I never thought I would look forward to nausea, bloating, gas, and body aches. I never thought I would schedule our social events around my ovulation day. I never thought I would talk to my uterus more than my husband after sex, or prop up my legs and hips after doing the deed so that his little guys don’t have to fight against gravity.

But oh yes. I HAVE BECOME THAT WOMAN.

I realize more and more with each passing day, with every story I read, just how much of a miracle life is, and how blessed those with healthy pregnancies and children are.

Here’s to hoping and praying that we are blessed with a miracle of our own very soon.