A couple of years ago I wrote an entry titled Kept Women which drew much ire from the Xanga community. I received over 200 comments, the large majority of them from angry feminists who condemned me for even having such thoughts.

The Real Housewives of Orange County – true kept women?

Now, since becoming unemployed, I have to wonder if I have become a kept woman. After all, J is the sole bread earner in the household.

I admit that it is a comfortable life. Don’t get me wrong – by no means do I sit in front of the TV all day eating bonbons. My life now is busier than it’s ever been…I have been getting less sleep and have less free time than when I worked full-time. However, I am happy knowing that I can make my own schedule and do all the things I’ve been putting off for years. Heck I even started painting again, and I haven’t done that since I left school!

This life, however, is not a fairy tale. No matter how complacent I may become with this lifestyle, I cannot help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt.

My mother told me that she is happy I am taking a break. “You never took a break after school,” she pointed out. “Others traveled, went backpacking, or even took some time mooching off parents. But you dove straight into work. You never had a break since you started working.”

And I have always been this way. I have always been independent and self-reliant. I hate asking others for help, let alone asking for financial assistance.

I even feel bad asking J, my own husband, for a mere $5.

Would I still feel this way if J raked in millions from his job? Yes.

I guess this is the reason I am working so hard on my side projects so that even if I never get another full-time job (knock on wood), I will have a source of income which will help contribute to our household.

So to answer my own question, no I do not think I am a kept woman, nor will I ever be comfortable being one. My need to contribute and help will always eclipse my desire to have a comfortable life.

Would you be happy as a kept woman?

A couple of days ago I woke up feeling utterly crappy.

I didn’t have a fever (yet) but I felt that undeniable sensation of arghh-what-the-heck-is-my-body-up-to-now.

As the day progressed a fever developed, and my right cheek was beginning to swell. Not noticeably, but enough that the skin stretched tight and shiny across my cheekbone.

Luckily I feel much better now, and the swelling is down. However, that isn’t the point of this entry.

At the height of my illness I glanced over at J. I then realized that while we have been married for 9 months now, we have yet to write our wills.

“Hey,” I succinctly stated, “If I’m ever in a horrible accident where my body is only being kept alive by machines, I want you to pull the plug.”

“What?”

“I’m being serious. I don’t want to be a vegetable dependent on modern technology. I want you to pull the plug.”

Smirking, he replied, “I’ll decide that when the time comes.”

I then asked, “What about you? What would you want me to do if you were in that situation?”

“I’d want you to invent a machine that would keep me frozen until the right technology comes along to revive me.”

“Aish! I’m being serious! What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to invent that machine.”

Obviously J was not being cooperative. But I kept pushing.

“And if I die before you, I’d want you to get remarried.”

“No,” he replied, with a smile on his face.

“C’mon! I am being 100% serious here…I want to you get remarried, okay?”

He laughed once again and turned away.

“…Would you want me to get remarried?”

“No, I would haunt you so that you would never get to meet anyone else.”

Obviously my husband is not ready to have such conversations. However, this is something that should be discussed between a married couple, no?

So I write this in my blog, knowing that this will hold as proof of this conversation and my wishes.

Have you have these morbid conversations with your significant other?