Geek in Heels - Page 191

Jan 12, 2009 • In Funny, Personal

Welcome Back, Mr. Bauer!

Hello readers! I am so sorry for being away for so long but I have a good reason: I have been working on a super secret undercover project. Well that’s not 100% accurate. But I have been working my arse off on a project which I hope to unveil on this blog soon. All I will say is, I’m very, unbelievably proud of it and it has tons of potential!

Tonight marks the start of another season of 24. In order to commemorate this momentous event, here are my 50 favorite Jack Bauer facts. Enjoy!

If everyone on 24 listened to Jack Bauer, the show would be called 1.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.

Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.

When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

There are two hands that can beat a royal flush: Jack Bauer’s right hand and Jack Bauer’s left hand.

Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.

Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you’re f***ing dead.”

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef…then you better believe it’s beef.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

Jack Bauer once showed up late for work. CTU adjusted their clocks accordingly.

When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.

On Jack Bauer’s tax returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.

There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.

Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer’s mind. Now he’s sitting in a wheel chair.

Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It’s because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.

Only Jack Bauer can singlehandedly start World War III between the Russians, Chinese and United States…over Audrey Raines.

Jack Bauer doesn’t laugh in the face of danger; Jack Bauer is the face of danger.

Jack Bauer doesn’t have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It’s basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer’s PC. Ever.

If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret service.

…and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, “I’ll take it from here.”

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Alex Trebek once asked Jack Bauer the question, “What’s your idea of a perfect game show?” He replied with, “I’m the contestant and I ask the questions around here.” Jeopardy was born at that moment.

Jack Bauer was nominated for an Emmy for playing Kiefer Sutherland.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.

When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.

The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.

Jack Bauer has the heart of a terrorist. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Jack Bauer doesn’t need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.

My husband doesn’t wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer f***ing hates lemonade.

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.

James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer was his instructor.

Jack Bauer arrested RoboCop. Think about that.

Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can’t believe that p*ssy went to the hospital first.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack doesn’t believe in Murphy’s Law, only Bauer’s Law: “Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours.”

Lightsabers vs Superman

Can a lighsaber cut through Superman? Yahoo! Answers has the answer:

Via The Inquisitr.

P.S. – Please go check my private blog for a new post!

Fark’s 20 Best Headlines of 2008

The popular funny news site Fark has recently listed their top 20 headlines of 2008.

Head over there for a good laugh, or if you have 5 minutes to kill. I guarantee you’ll LOL. 🙂

Stealing Your Neighbor’s Wireless

Today’s UserFriendly forced a nice chuckle out of me (click to enlarge):

However funny this may be, I couldn’t ignore the fact that the reason for its humor is due to the prevalence of the act.

Do you think stealing your neighbor’s wireless is ethical?

On one hand (from a geek’s point of view), I feel that if someone doesn’t know the importance of network security, they deserve to have their wireless stolen.

However, the fact still remains that you’re still using something that someone else is paying for, without their knowledge.

I once knew a guy in college who discovered that he was receiving free cable at his apartment.

He had such strong convictions against stealing that he destroyed the power cable to his television. This way, he would not be even tempted to watch the free cable.

A bit extreme, yes. But when I found out about this, I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of admiration. Then I questioned myself: would I be able to do the same?

Probably not. I would be over the moon for being able to save an extra $30 a month.

How about you?

Bring on the Pain!

Back in the days when I had a lot more free time and the luxury of The Bank of Mom & Dad supporting me, I was a regular feature at my local gym. Fifteen minutes on the elliptical, thirty minutes of strength training, and another fifteen on the elliptical (or a few laps in the pool) to cool down.

I have never been skinny. In fact, I’ve always struggled a bit with my weight, because unlike most Asians I was cursed with a curvy body. However, during this year of religious workouts, I was at my most fit with tight limbs and a 25″ waist. I didn’t have a six-pack, but I had a well-defined line extending down my tummy. I also developed a habit of visiting tanning salons during this period (bad, I know) so I looked tan, trim, and healthy.

I strove to get this body back for the wedding, and I’m sorry to say I failed. The stress of wedding planning while purchasing my first home led me to gorge on calories and depend on my old college frenemies, coffee and cigarettes, whenever I felt fat.

Now, after turning 28, I’ve decided that I want my old body back.

I realize this may not be realistic; after all, I am 8 years older than when I was at my fittest and my metabolism has noticeably slowed. However, I am not getting any younger. If now isn’t a good time to start, when is?

Unfortunately, gym memberships can be quite costly. In addition, their hours are not always ideal and I’ve never liked working out in front of strangers.

I have decided to turn to exercise DVDs as a result.

The first is the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred:

Although I’ve never watched The Biggest Loser, I read so many wonderful things about this DVD that I needed to try it. There are 3 levels, each 20 minutes long, and you are to start at Level 1 and progress to the next as you start getting more comfortable with the workout.

I started at Level 1, thinking that it wouldn’t be too bad. After all, I can still run 3 miles comfortably – this can’t be too bad, right?

Boy was I wrong!

The next two days after the workout were pure torture. I think even my earlobes were sore. I hobbled around the apartment, moaning and groaning, while J proceeded to call me a “silly girl” and asked why I overdid it.

“But I didn’t overdo it! That was just Level 1!”

Needless to say, the workout works. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

The next DVD I purchased was the New York City Ballet Workout:

There are two DVDs in the set, with the second designed to be more intense and advanced.

The main reason I purchased this set is because I had been thinking about taking adult ballet lessons. I have always admired dancers’ bodies, with long, lean necks, lithe limbs and perfect postures. In addition, I am such a klutz that I figured ballet could help me become more graceful and ladylike.

I’ve only done the first DVD since I am still a beginner. The workout didn’t seem too intense, so I was surprised to see that I was sweating up a storm. At the end of the DVD I felt refreshed and somehow leaner than before…and I realized that this is one of those workouts that will force you to exercise those muscles you didn’t even know existed. In other words, pain the next morning, hobbling around like a gimp again, etc.

I will be rotating these two exercises through my new regimen, and will do my best to work out at least 5 times a week. I will definitely keep you updated on the progress, and I’m pretty excited!

Are there any exercise DVDs you recommend? What are your favorite weight-loss tips?

The Importance of the First Date?

CNN recently interview our First Lady-to-be, and asked her about her first date with Barack Obama.

What a first date! A visit to the Art Institute of Chicago, a stroll down Michigan Ave, an artsy/cultural film, and drinks atop the John Hancock building.

I am very fortunate to have experienced all four, and let me tell you that if given the choice, this would’ve been my ideal first date. (Well, aside from a visit to a Broadway musical. But that’s being nit-picky.)

I thought back to my first date with J, and I have to admit that it was nowhere near as spectacular. In fact, neither of us can recall a first date, because we had been best friends for months beforehand. I guess if you count the night that J made the first move as our first date, it would be dinner at a local sushi joint and retiring to my apartment to watch Finding Nemo, which I had just purchased on DVD.

At the retreat I attended last week, our guest speaker picked me out of the audience to illustrate a point. He asked how my husband had made his affections known to me…more specifically, how did he let me know that I am the one? What special gesture did, and does he do, to show his love for me?

“Um…not much,” I replied.

The audience laughed. The speaker asked, “Wow, and you married him?” before continuing on with the sermon.

After the sermon, I asked myself if I should be bothered by this. I thought of my friends who’ve had utterly romantic, whirlwind romances. Whose significant others work on projects for weeks, sometimes even months, to showcase their romantic gestures. Whose significant others spend thousands of dollars on special occasions and lavish gifts display their affection.

And I realized, J and I aren’t like this.

Now this isn’t to turn my nose at the others described above. Rather, we show our love through different ways.

J was different from all the relationships I’ve had. He has never bought my lavish gifts (aside from my engagement ring), but the special smile he reserves only for me outweighs all the LV handbags and Tiffany jewelry I received from past boyfriends…put together. He has never planned grandiose events/surprises on my behalf. However, the way he cupped my face in his hands to tell me “Happy birthday. I love you.” last month still makes my heart melt. He is willing to submit and let things go, even when I am being unreasonable and just plain stubborn.

There was a point last year when I was seriously doubting my our relationship. I asked myself if I could go through with the engagement, and questioned my decision in saying “yes.”

However, there were two small but significant events that helped me in my decision. Both were relationship advice, and I feel that both need to be repeated.

The first is from the popular blog Dooce:

“When I was single, I decided I wouldn’t marry a man unless I could be proud if we had a son who turned out exactly like him.”

After reading this, I realized that if I had a son who turned out exactly like J, I would be over the world.

The second advice is from the late Randy Pausch:

“When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”

How simple and strikingly true! I was reminded how J was the first guy who really did call when he promised to, who always tried his best to come through on his promises. There had been so many guys in my past (and even now, through work and friendships) who just do not follow through. But I know that I can count on J 100%.

Sure, J may not be the most romantic, most verbally expressive guy I’ve dated. But keeping these two advices in mind, remembering the little things he does to show his love for me…I know I made the right choice, and boy am I glad I did.

So to answer the question I posed as the title of this post, no, first dates are not important. Are good first dates (and all that follow thereafter) nice? Sure. But they are not a requirement. Just look at us.

Yet Another Homage to xkcd

Seriously, xkcd gets better and better each day.

Yesterday’s:

Today’s:

Links, Links, and More Links!

Okay, so I lied. There is just too much stuff for me to share with individual posts. As a result, I’ve decided to pay an homage to my Thursday Geek-isms days and dump these links on you with one big swoop. Enjoy!

Far Side reenactments, Boing Boing. The Far Side used to be one of my favorite comics, and it was a sad day for millions nationwide when Gary Larson announced his retirement. Predictably, these photo reenactments do not have the same effect…however, they add a comical twist that is funny in themselves.

Brand New: Best & Worst 2008, Brand New. This is a new blog I stumbled upon while researching corporate branding for a side project…and me rikey! Here is their round-up of the best and worst re-brandings of 2008.

5 Homeless Guys Who Accomplished Amazing Things, Cracked. Cracked is a satire site, and so obviously there is some offbeat humor thrown into this article. However, reading about guys “who, while sleeping on park benches and using newspapers as both blankets and undergarments, managed to make more of themselves than many of us ever will” is nothing short of inspiring, no?

The Quattro 6000D: this ain’t your grandmomma’s sewing machine, Gizmodo. This baby deserves a picture nod:

I’ve wanted to pick up a sewing machine since forever, and this isn’t helping at all!

The World’s Most High-Tech Nation, ABC News Blog. This sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie, but it’s not. It’s my own motherland, sucka! Now if only I can stop the envy…

50 Resources for Getting the Most Out of Google Analytics, KISSmetrics. Holy shat. Who knew you could use Analytics for SEO? A must-read for anyone publishing anything on the web.

2008: The Year the Geeks Took Over, Cracked. That’s right! We’re taking over! Puhahahaha…

Little Girl Knows Her Video Game Characters, Geekologie. When I grow up I want to have a kid just like her.

Regression Alert: I Need These Star Wars Stuffed Animals, Geek Sugar. Okay, this one deserves a picture too:

The Darth looks a bit evil (as he should be) but the Chewy is too adorable. I wouldn’t mind snuggling up with him as I doze off to sleep!

New Weapon Against Hippies: Wi-Fi, Gizmodo. I admit that I’m not sharing this as much for the article, but more for the accompanying picture. “Stupid beatnik hippies….die, hippies!”

20 websites that changed the world, TechRadar. Working on so many web projects, I cannot help but derive inspiration from articles such as these. Who knew that a coffee machine could be so revolutionary? Or that Amazon was a Web 2.0 company even before the term was coined? However, I must admit is that I was surprised to see Google omitted from the list.

Now That’s a Tasty Website: The Bacon-izer, Geekologie. Just type http://bacolicio.us/ before any URL, and you can view any website with some sizzling, pig fat goodness.

Screw heads demystified, MAKE. This should be printed and taped next to every toolbox in America.

30 Years of Star Wars Technology, Slashdot. Need I say more?

And, because this is too funny (and sad) to pass up…

Via haha.nu.

The “Mona Lisa” Reinterpreted

I’ve written about my slight fascination with the Mona Lisa.

It is only natural then to share this reinterpretation of the famous painting by artist Meowza Katz, “If other artists drew the Mona Lisa”:

Can you guess which artist goes with each painting?

P.S. – If you click on through the link, you can play around with the layered art file of the Litchtenstein version!

Via Neatorama.

Bonne Année 2009!

Happy 2009!

I have a good reason for not having blogged for the past few days: at the last minute, I decided to attend my church’s Winter 2008 Youth Group Retreat.

(For those who are not aware, I have been a teacher for my church’s youth group since October.)

It was exhaustive, with my getting only 2-3 hours of sleep each night, but I returned home on a spiritual high. I feel the change, not only mentally but physically – energized and refreshed, and most of all, blessed.

Speaking to a friend the other day, I realized just how much I’ve changed this past year. If you had described to me my current life circumstances exactly one year ago, I would have laughed at you.

Right now my life is on the brink of change and uncertainty. I am so out of my comfort zone that I really do get scared.

However, I know that this will only lead to great and better things. I just know. And I have faith that God will provide during these difficult times.

So, following in the steps of my blogger friends, here are my resolutions for the new year:

Continue on my path to forming a more personal relationship with God. I’ve neglected my faith for far too long, and this year God has smacked me upside down in order to get me back onto the path. I am at a good place now, especially after this retreat, but I want to go further.

Get my booty back into shape. I gained some weight since the wedding, and on such a small frame even 5 lbs makes a big difference! I purchased the New York City Ballet Workout and the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred – I’ll let you know if they work!

Make a conscientious effort to better my relationships: with J, family, and friends. I have a tendency to create walls and shut people out. I need to step out of my self-protective circle and be more proactive in showing my love for the important people in my life.

After going through my 5,000+ feeds on Google Reader, I have a bunch of stuff I want to share with you so please be prepared for a post overload for the next couple of days!