Geek in Heels - Page 193

Dec 14, 2008 • In Books, Funny, Movies

‘Twilight’ Translated by Cracked

You already know my thoughts on Twilight.

I always thought I was in the minority for not falling head over heels for the story. That’s why it delights me whenever I find someone who agrees that it ain’t all that.

Cracked has written a hilarious post titled, If ‘Twilight’ Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest.

Fellow Twilight-naysayers, please join me in this merriment.

My favorite lines:

BELLA
Yeah but I have a BOYFRIEND now, which means I no longer have to be independent or physically capable of doing anything on my own.

*****

DR. CULLEN
Welcome to our ridiculously expensive home. I’m the father figure of this family because I’m the one who turned them all into vampires. There’s something disturbing about the idea that I’ve only turned teenagers into vampires, but let’s ignore that.

*****

BELLA (when asked “Tell us about yourself”)
Me? Oh, no. I’m just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.

However, the last lines have to be the best:

EDWARD
So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.

BELLA
I love you. Put a baby in me.

EDWARD
At least the other three books can’t possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.

Enjoy!

(Even if you’re a fan of Twilight, you have to admit that this is pretty funny.)

Let’s Move to China

Lenovo (yes, that Lenovo – the one that doesn’t make cell phones) has designed a cell phone to comply to China Mobile’s Open Mobile System, with Google’s Android at its core.

The thing is, it looks pretty dope.

Deliciously beautiful, in fact.

Too bad we will never see it stateside.

After my elation at such an attractive phone for Android, then the subsequent disappointment at its availability, I told J, “We should move to China.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. This phone is hot.”

“You would move to China for a phone?”

“Yes, you know I would.”

“Don’t joke about that – you know I am willing to move to China if you’re willing.”

Then I shut up.

[Via Engadget]

Different Ways to Facilitate the Same Idea

I had a mild epiphany at my birthday party Saturday night.

J and a friend were discussing the possibility of a new start-up venture, when I noticed something interesting about the conversation.

Our friend, who works in finance, approached the situation from a “How can I make money from this?” point-of-view.

J’s first instinct was to dissect the situation and find all the possible cons and pitfalls. He would design test-cases where everything that can possibly go wrong would go wrong…and he would try to find ways to fix those “bugs,” or at least find methods to circumvent the problems. After all, he is a software test engineer by trade.

By this time, my cousin had joined in on the conversation. She, who is an attorney, asked “What are the liabilities?”

The reason I found the conversation so enlightening is because each of their responses tied in so closely to their professions.

I then asked myself how I would approach the situation. I work in marketing, but I do not specialize in any particular type of marketing…I do it all! Would I try to find a visual representation of the product? Would I try to write about it? Or would I get excited about the product and try to get as much people to join in on the product buzz?

I then realized that I would do as much research on it as possible. Then, if I thought it to be a good product, I would go spread the word using all the tools and talents in my pool of resources. Just like a true maven.

How would you approach the situation?

Happy Birthday to Me

Twenty-eight years ago, this little booger was born:

Heppy bufshday to meeeh!

My “True Age”

A few years ago, I took an online quiz that gave you your “true age” based on your favorite activities, personality traits, and reactions to different hypotetical situations. Your “true age” would reveal not only your perceived maturity level, but also the age range that represents your sense of self the most.

I had believed that I would score in the sub-10 year old range, because let’s face it – I can be pretty immature at times.

However, I was shocked to see that I had scored in the 30-35 range.

(Meanwhile, J scored in the 4-7 range. Figures.)

I pondered the results. I considered those who look back to their college years or their early twenties with fond longing. “Those were the best years of my life,” they say.

It was then that I realized that I am different. I am looking forward to my thirties, when I will have gained enough experience to be a strong, confident, and relatively happy person. When I will (hopefully) be more financially stable than ever before. When I will (hopefully) have had a child or two, entering a new stage in my life.

This Sunday, I will be turning twenty-eight years old. How do I feel about it? Pretty damn good.

I have found that as I age, I have become more content and comfortable with myself.

Sure, I am aware that I am no longer in my prime years. I have not been able to fit into my skinny jeans in years. I can no longer party all night without suffering the consequences the next day. My energy level is no where as high as it was back in my teenage and college years. I look back at pictures of myself in my early twenties and think, “Damn, I looked pretty good back then.”

However, I am happier and more comfortable with my body now than at my thinnest 10 years ago, when I weighed about 10 lbs less. (It also doesn’t hurt to have a husband who loves your curves and tells you how sexy you are every day.)

I am able to talk confidently to strangers and even sell myself when needed. I make friends easier and faster than ever. I no longer cower in crowds, or subject myself to alcohol as a means for social lubrication.

Sure there are bad days, but that’s life. No matter how tired I am at the end of the day, no matter how crabby or sad I may be from a bad situation, I count my blessings before going to sleep every night and I am thankful.

Twenty-seven was a big year for me. I became a home owner. I re-kindled my relationship with God. I married my best friend. My father became sick, which became a blessing in disguise, for it has led him to also rekindle his relationship with God. I became a Youth Group teacher at my church, and a small group co-leader for the adult English ministry. I started a new job. And just recently, I began investing my time and efforts in a project that is nothing but full of potential.

I look forward to getting older with sheer determination and optimism. Because I truly believe that the best years are yet to come.

Links of the Day

8 Things Modern Vampires Could Learn From “The Lost Boys”

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Super Mario Star Found In Nature!

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10 Great Moments in Beer History

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First Teddie Bear Astronauts Conquer Space

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12 Of The Best Payback Moments in Film

Enjoy!

Product Review: Jonathan Serious Volume Shampoo & Conditioner

Ever since I watched the first two seasons of Bravo’s Blow-Out, I’ve wanted to try the Jonathan line of hair products.

A couple of months ago, I picked up a sample jar of Jonathan’s Dirt at my local Sephora. It was the most popular product in Jonathan’s product line and I was tempted to try my hand at the “day-after” look.

I really liked it. The smell was pleasant but not overpowering, and it really allowed more control and better styling without weighing down my hair.

I liked it so much that when my shampoo & conditioner ran out, I decided to turn to the Jonathan line again.

I quickly decided upon the Serious Volume shampoo and conditioner because my hair tends to go flat by the end of the day. I didn’t expect much, because I’ve tried plenty of salon-quality products only to find that they weren’t too different from drugstore brands.

But you know what? I loved them.

The shampoo smells like citrus & honey tea. I’m very sensitive about smell so I was pleased to find the scent to be light and not overwhelming.

The texture of the shampoo is unlike that of any other shampoos I’ve tried. It is a bit runnier than other shampoos right out of the bottle. However, once the stuff makes contact with your hair, it becomes thick and a bit sticky…like maple syrup. For this reason, you need to make sure that your hair is really wet before applying the shampoo.

After rinsing for the first time, I was in bit of a shock, because not only was my hair squeaky clean, it felt like wet straws. I thought to myself, “Great, that was a waste of money….”

…until I applied the conditioner.

I really do think that the shampoo and conditioner were formulated to work together, because as soon as I smoothed on the conditioner the straw-like texture went away and I was left with soft and clean hair.

And the smell! The conditioner smells like sweet pina colada. I couldn’t help but keep sniffing my hair afterwards.

Jonathan’s Serious Volume shampoo and conditioner really does add body to my hair without over-drying. My hair is left soft and bouncy…and smelling delicious, to boot.

I know it’s not just me, because I discovered that J started using them too! He usually uses his own hair products, but this time he’s been dipping into my supply.

Great products. I wholeheartedly recommend them. In fact, I’ll be purchasing new bottles later today!

Alternate Currency

I know a lot of people who would be ecstatic to see this happen…

…including myself.

Via xkcd.

Going to Jail for Adultery

A couple of weeks ago, Korean actress Ok So Ri made headlines for being on trial for adultery.

After admitting in court to the affair, Ok So Ri took the case to the South Korean Constitutional Court in an attempt to overturn the country’s anti-adultery law.

The law was enacted fifty years ago to protect women who had few rights in a male-dominated country. However, critics claim that the statute is no longer fit for Korea’s modern society with advanced civil and family court systems. Furthermore, some view the anti-adultery law as a means of revenge by the scorned spouse.

Three days ago, the verdict came in: the request to overturn the law was denied and Ok So Ri was sentenced to two years in jail.

I was very much surprised by the verdict. South Korea has some of the highest rates of extra-marital sexual relationships in the modern world. Married men frequently visit massage parlors, room salons, and engage in other activities that are unfaithful to their wives.

By no means do I condone the behavior. Rather, I was surprised at the hypocrisy of it all.

I then began to imagine what it would be like if such a law existed here in the United States. Would people tend to stay more faithful? Would marriage rates decrease? Or would the jails be overrun by adulterers?

What do you think?