Feb 7, 2007  •  In Funny, Personal

Two Left Feet

A long time ago in a place far, far away, a kindergarten class decided to do a dance for an upcoming recital. The choreographer had the little girls in a formation with the tallest in the middle, gradually tapering down to the shortest at the ends. The girls practiced for weeks and weeks and looked forward to showcasing their talent.

The day of the recital arrived. It was a full house. Relatives traveled from hours away to see the kids perform.

When the time came for the girls to do their dance, the teacher realized that although they had practiced many times in different rooms, they had never practiced ON STAGE. “Oh well,” she figured. “They know their routine well enough. It’s too late anyway.”

The music started, and the dance began. Then halfway through the dance, the girl at the at far left FELL OFF THE STAGE.

A collective gasp rang through the room. Flashbulbs exploded left and right. A man lifted the shocked girl onto the stage and whispered, “Keep going!”


Flash forward twenty years. Yes, I was that little girl. My family still cracks up about it. I, on the other hand, have had terrible stagefright all my life (the main reason I never pursued the piano and violin) and I STILL CAN’T DANCE.

Allow me to clarify. Sure, I have no trouble shaking my booty along with the music at clubs, where it is crowded and most eyes are elsewhere (the liquor helps too). But I can’t do choreographed sequences or follow along to simple dance steps. I mean, I can do it, but I look like an idiot.

Over the weekend J and I attended a friend’s birthday party. After dinner, the restaurant gave us free salsa and merengue lessons. The instructor would show us a few steps while we followed along.

Hmm. I’m starting to get the hang of this…

Then the instructor shouted, “Now! With your partners!”

Panic sets in.

J even said at one point, “Babe, what are you doing?”

Yeah, so I still can’t dance.

Feb 4, 2007  •  In Personal, Relationships

The Other Arm

I’m not a very affectionate person. I don’t coo at babies. I feel uncomfortable when people stand or sit too close to me. I have trouble saying “I love you” even to my family.

And I don’t like cuddling.

Yes, that’s right. I’m a girl and I don’t like cuddling. Because I need my own space when I sleep, dammit.

This causes a bit of a problem because J is a cuddler. He loves to cuddle. He’s always begging and whining for me to cuddle with him.

Being the dutiful girlfriend that I am, (ha – that sounds funny even to me) I oblige most of the time. If he is lucky and he catches me when I’m mucho tired, I will fall asleep in this position. But when I wake up, I’m on the opposite side of the bed. See, even in my sleep I don’t like cuddling.

I guess I can see how most girls like to cuddle. You want to stay close to those you love. Or you need some tenderness after having crazy animal sex.

My typical cuddling cycle:

Cuddle starts: Mmm. This is nice.

After 2 minutes: I start getting bored and restless. I fidget. J holds me tighter so I can’t escape.

After 5 minutes: My arm (the bottom one) starts to fall asleep. I start squirming. I finally break loose of his kung fu grip.

To all the girls out there – what do you do with the other arm? The one on the bottom? Guys don’t understand this because they’re lying on their backs, as comfortable as they can be. Girls, on the other hand, have to lie on one side, with one arm below their bodies. You can’t put it in front of you, because the guy is there. You can’t put it behind you, because that’s just ridiculously uncomfortable.

It must be one of those mysteries of life. Like why we keep our mouthes open when applying mascara.

Dec 29, 2006  •  In Colors, Geek, Personal

I Have Super Mutant Powers

…or so I think.

I had written before that I have a gift of seeing color. I always saw colors others couldn’t…but I just brushed it off as one of those weird, quirky things about me.

Now I’ve discovered that there may be a scientific explanation: I may be a tetrachromat. A what-a-mat? A genetic mutation that allows some women (sorry guys, girls only) to see 100 million colors as opposed to the normal 1 million.

Here is the full article from Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

Some women may see 100 million colors, thanks to their genes

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

By Mark Roth, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Susan Hogan can’t be sure, but it wouldn’t surprise her if she turned out to be a tetrachromat.

A tetrachromat is a woman who can see four distinct ranges of color, instead of the three that most of us live with.

A genetic test would be needed to verify whether Mrs. Hogan truly fits that description, but it could help explain why the interior decorator can hold up three samples of beige wall paint, “and I can see gold in one and gray in another and green in another, but my clients can’t tell the difference.”

It may be impossible for us trichromats to imagine what a four-color world would look like. But mathematics alone suggests the difference would be astounding, said Jay Neitz, a renowned color vision researcher at the Medical College of Wisconsin.

Each of the three standard color-detecting cones in the retina — blue, green and red — can pick up about 100 different gradations of color, Dr. Neitz estimated. But the brain can combine those variations exponentially, he said, so that the average person can distinguish about 1 million different hues.

A true tetrachromat has another type of cone in between the red and green — somewhere in the orange range — and its 100 shades theoretically would allow her to see 100 million different colors.

That may be why Mrs. Hogan can look out the windows of her Mount Washington home and tell the relative depths and silting of the three rivers at the Point by discerning the subtle differences in their shades.

“I have a very hard time even giving names to colors because I see so many other colors inside them,” she said.

Dr. Neitz, who conducts his research with his wife Maureen, said only women have the potential for super color vision.

That’s because the genes for the pigments in green and red cones lie on the X chromosome, and only women have two X chromosomes, creating the opportunity for one type of red cone to be activated on one X chromosome and the other type of red cone on the other one. In a few cases, women may have two distinct green cones on either X chromosome.

But it’s unlikely, Dr. Neitz said, that all of the women with four types of color cones will have the potential for superior color vision, because for many, their two red cones will be so close to each other in the wavelengths they detect that they won’t see things much differently than a three-color person does.

He estimated that 2 percent to 3 percent of the world’s women may have the kind of fourth cone that lies smack between the standard red and green cones, which could give them a colossal range.

Finding tetrachromats through genetic screening is one thing. Proving they can see tens of millions of additional colors is another.

One research group that believes it has identified a true tetrachromat is headed by Gabriele Jordan of Newcastle University in Great Britain.

Dr. Jordan started by working backward from certain “color blind” boys to their mothers.

About 8 percent of the world’s men have color deficiency, which is the term vision researchers prefer to color blindness.

Most of them inherit two red or two green cones along with the standard blue cone, making it impossible for them to distinguish between red and green peppers, or tell how well-done a steak is, or pick out matching clothes.

Dr. Jordan’s team used vision tests to identify more than a hundred schoolboys in the Newcastle area with that kind of color deficiency.

She knew that the mothers of those boys would have either two red or two green cones, and she is now in the process of testing those women to see which of them might be “strong tetrachromats,” as she put it.

To single out such women, she came up with a clever test. Each woman looks into an optical device that shows her three tiny discs in rapid succession. Two of the discs are a pure orange wavelength and the third is a nearly identical mixture of red and green. The women aren’t told which is which.

Dr. Jordan reasoned that women with two distinct red cones would see the red-green disc differently than the orange discs.

Of the 20 women she has tested so far, only one was able to instantly and accurately identify the red-green disc each time. She is now conducting genetic tests on the woman’s saliva to verify whether she has the genes for distinct red cones.

Dr. Jordan said that the woman, who has not yet been identified, is a physician near Newcastle.

For a doctor, she speculated, super color vision might give her the ability to tell whether a patient is ill just by noticing subtle changes in skin tone that a normal doctor wouldn’t see.

Based on Dr. Neitz’s estimates, there could be 99 million women in the world with true four-color vision.

But before they pat themselves on the back for their superior evolution, he said, it’s important to note that humans are just getting back to where birds, amphibians and reptiles have been for eons.

Those creatures have long had four-color vision, but a key difference is that their fourth type of color detector is in the high-frequency ultraviolet range, beyond where humans can see.

In fact, that finding allowed scientists to figure out recently why the males of some species of birds did not appear to have brighter plumage than the females, Dr. Neitz said.

The problem was in the observers, not the birds, he said. When those species were viewed through ultraviolet detectors, the males had markedly different feathers than the females.

In a similar way, he said, our eyes aren’t capable of seeing the world the way a true four-color viewer perceives it, and so we have no way of knowing how many advantages that might give to the tetrachromats.

“There are many things in the world that are physically different from one another that you can’t tell apart now” with three-color vision, he said, but a four-color woman presumably would see the distinctions.

And sometimes the edge may just be aesthetic.

Which could be why, when Susan Hogan’s husband puts a new piece of fruit in their fruit bowl, “I have to rearrange it so the colors go together right,” she said with a laugh.

First published on September 13, 2006 at 12:00 am

Mark Roth can be reached at mroth@post-gazette.com or at 412-263-1130.

Although this is pretty cool, I don’t think I’ll get my DNA tested. Who knows what other weird things they’ll find out about me?

Dec 20, 2006  •  In Funny, Personal

Jenny vs. Destiny

Is this a deep, thought-provoking, “where is my life going” entry? No. Destiny is a person’s name. Keep reading – it gets interesting.

Ever since I switched my cell phone number two months ago, I’ve been receiving numerous calls for someone named Destiny. I had just figured that my new number must be a recycled number, and that the calls will eventually stop.

But they never stopped. Sometimes I would receive up to 5 calls a day asking for Destiny. Several times these calls came in the middle of the night. And they were all from men.

I should have suspected something. But I never would’ve guessed… And then, a call came today:

ring, ring…

Hello?

Hi.

Uh…hello.

So can you come to Brooklyn or should I meet you somewhere?

Who is this?

Is this Destiny? I got your number from the internet.

No, this is not Destiny. You have the wrong number.

click.

Alrighty then. He got my number off the internet? I’ve gotta get to the bottom of this…

I googled my own cell phone number. Guess what was the first hit. THIS (warning: NSFW!). A site for Destiny Love, a New York escort. And that wasn’t the only one. Destiny Love, along with my cell phone number, are listed on numerous escort service sites.

As a friend said when I told her the story, this is the type of thing that would only happen to me. Geez, thanks.

Dec 17, 2006  •  In Art/Design, Music

Music as Visual Art

Are you a musician? Do you play a musical instrument? Do you know how to read music?

If any of these questions pertains to you, you might be interested in a composer named George Crumb. Crumb is famous for distorting his scores in shapes indicative of the mood he’s trying to set. Case in point, the spiral-shaped score for “Spiral Galaxy: Aquarius”:

Try playing THAT. I wish I had a piano handy.

A few more examples of his scores can be viewed here. (And if you can read Japanese, maybe you can tell me what the site says.)

Reading about Crumb reminded me of one of my favorite painters, Wassily Kandinsky. Considered to be one of the fathers of abstract expressionism, Kandinsky was fascinated with the emotional response evoked by music. He translated the essence of music as well as his theoretical reflections and insights from listening to music onto the canvas.


Dominant Curve, 1936.


Composition 8, 1923.

(Both these paintings can be viewed at the Guggenheim Museum in NY. Two must-sees for any Guggenheim visit.)

Can you see the music? The beats, the melody, the emotion? I can. 🙂

Dec 11, 2006  •  In Art/Design, Marketing/Advertising

Olympic Mascots

Here are the mascots of the 2008 Olympics, which is being held in Beijing:

The “Five Friendlies” represent the largest number of mascots since the practice began in 1972. You can find out more about them at http://en.beijing2008.com/37/03/column211990337.shtml.

The website includes a history of the Olympic mascot(s), and immediately my eyes were drawn to Hodori, the mascot of the 1988 Seoul Games:

I don’t think I’m being biased in believing that he’s the most charismatic, attractive, and well-designed of the 9 featured in the “Olympic Mascots of the past Olympiad” section. Which do you think is the best?

Looking at Hodori brought back fond memories. Hodori was everywhere right before I came to the US (my family immigrated in spring 1988). Thus, my fondest and most vivid memories of my former life in Korea include Hodori.

But where was Hosuni? Why is she not listed alongside Hodori on this Olympics page?

Hosuni is the female couterpart of Hodori. I remembered her as well, and became curious as to why she was not included. Another search told me that although Hodori and Hosuni were the official dual mascots of the ’88 Seoul Games, Hosuni was rarely seen due to marketing mistakes. Some authors even pointed fingers to Korea for being sexist.

I had trouble finding pictures of Hosuni online. Here’s one with both Hodori and Hosuni:

Yep, they definitely are the best Olympic mascots ever.

Dec 5, 2006  •  In Career, Personal

Corporate Slavedom

Yesterday I read an article which was linked on Slashdot. It caught my attention because I’m still in the process of paving a career path. In the midst of researching and reading up on the myriad of options that are available for recent grads who are still trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives, I have come across several articles of this nature. This segment in particular struck me:

Years ago if you put in long hours and worked hard for a company, you were rewarded with gradual promotions, longer vacations, medical insurance, and a healthy retirement plan. Most people expected to work 20 years or more at one company. Today to get ahead and save for a reasonable retirement, workers often must hop from company to company to get a promotion. Hard work and dedication to a job well done are no longer seen as ways to protect a job. Everyone is expendable, thanks to many employers’ short-term, economic goals. And there’s no incentive to work long hours. It won’t likely pay off for the worker in the long run.

This reminded me of two movies. The first, In Good Company, where Dennis Quaid plays an experienced, loyal employee who is replaced by a younger, less experienced worker due to a company takeover. An article I read last week asked the question “Why does your boss seem so stupid?” One of the reasons it gave was that nowadays, managers and leaders are hired externally. So, in a sense, the employees in the lower positions end up having to train their own bosses.

The second movie I thought of is Office Space, particularly the scene where Ron Livingston’s character Peter goes through an assessment, or, as the movie put it, “being interviewed for their own jobs”:

Peter: You see Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care.

Bob: Don’t… don’t care?

Peter: It’s a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don’t see another dime, so where’s the motivation? And here’s another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.

Bob: Eight?

Peter: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That’s my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

Reading this, you can see how the movie Office Space became such a hit among those who work the corporate life.

So what was the purpose of this entry? I’m not sure. Everything I’ve written above makes me a bit sad. But this is the way things are done these days, and I know I must accept it if I am to make it in today’s corporate world.

Nov 20, 2006  •  In Geek, Personal, Video Games

Wii

The Sony PS3 has been out for 3 days now but I will not be getting one. Why? The available game titles do not look too exciting. It costs an inordinate amount of money. Plus, the Nintendo Wii was launched just 2 days later and I had been drooling over it ever since it was announced at E3 2005.

I can go on and on about the superiority of the Wii over the PS3. Suffice it to say, Nintendo never ceases to amaze me with their creativity (look how well the DS is doing!) and marketing efforts. Nintendo has built up a community of die-hard loyal fans of all ages who have been interacting in all sorts of ways through the DS, and now they can build another macro-community through the Wii.

Not to mention, Nintendo fans tend to be a lot nicer than your run-of-the-mill PS3 fan, as illustrated by this week’s xkcd:

Yesterday, J, our friend BJ, and I woke up at an insane hour so we could make it to the Target in Columbia for the launch of the Nintendo Wii. We had been scouting the local Best Buy’s, Target’s, Toys ‘r Us’s, Walmart’s, etc. for days to see which would be getting the most units in on launch day, and the Columbia Target it was.

I stopped by my local Dunkin Donuts to pick up coffee for the three of us and to buy a box of donuts to be shared among the crowd (there you go – the friendly Nintendo mentality). However, this might have been a waste of precious time, by the time we arrived, there was already a line…

Notice that the actual entrance to the store is around the corner. There were tents set up at the beginning of the line. Oh em gee.

At around 7am, the manager of the store came out to tell us that they had exactly 120 units in stock. BJ quickly ran around counting. God had decided to play a cruel joke on us that day: we were numbers 121, 122, and 123.

We made a mad dash to the Toys ‘r Us that was across the street. Fortunately, the line here was shorter because the store wasn’t scheduled to open until 10am as opposed to Target’s 8am. Here is a shot of the people in front of us, which was only about 30:

We kept ourselves busy by chatting up our neighbors in line. We had also brought our respective DS’s and proceeded to kill some time by playing some rounds against one another. Our line neighbors even joined in for a few games! And, of course, I kicked everyone’s ass in Meteos. 😉

Here’s a shot of us, looking like ass with so little sleep and waiting outside in the cold for hours:

They finally started handing out tickets at around 9:30 –

After that, they let us suffer for another hour while they SLOWLY let in groups of 2-5.

Unfortunately, being poor, I only got one game (Zelda) in addition to the console. I had been planning on getting at least one extra set of controllers but they’re sold out everywhere in MD!

It’s ok, because playing with it yesterday, it was definitely worth it.

Nov 15, 2006  •  In Art/Design, Colors, Personal

My Skewed Perception

When I was little I believed that some people were better at drawing because they had better motor skills. In reality, it has more to do with perception and brain functions: the ability to differentiate space, light, and shadows. Steady hands are a plus, but they are not required.

An old art teacher once told me that I had a rare gift of seeing color. She said that I was better at differentiating and mixing color than some of her former colleagues, who were professional color mixers. (Yes, this profession existed before the advent of computers.)

Now although I may not use this gift in every day life (dressing, makeup, etc), I often find myself staring at an interesting color and mixing it in my head. And I’ve given up describing colors as “cool purple with a hint of prussian blue.” Instead, I’ll save myself the blank stares and just say “purple.”

I can also tell when colors look “cheap.” For example, you can look like you shop at designer stores by wearing “rich” colors. Basically, “rich” colors are often mixed with expensive pigments and are more difficult to reproduce, as so many different colors went into mixing them.

Space and depth perception, light and shadows, color. It makes me wonder, do I see things differently from other people? For example, if Rembrandt woke up in his neighbor’s body one day, would he have seen the world differently? More blurred? Less vibrant? Maybe even a little skewed?

I should borrow someone’s eyes and brain one day. Now that’s a morbid thought.

Oct 11, 2006  •  In Music, Personal

Musical Instruments

I’ve played the piano since I was 5, and the violin since I was 8. There was one year in elementary school when I decided to try the flute but it didn’t come naturally easy to me as the piano and violin did, so I quit.

Since then, I’ve played many different pianos and violins. But I was always sensitive to each instrument. Maybe overly sensitive – meaning I could never play as well on instruments to which I could not connect.

With each new instrument, I would take at least a few minutes to get to “know” each other. I would test the responsiveness, the sound quality, the build quality. And the instruments would test my limits, challenging me to create and be creative. If I couldn’t connect with a particular instrument in those crucial first minutes, I knew nothing special would come out of the relationship.

I’ve always treasured my violin – crafted in the 1890’s by a lesser-known Italian violinmaker, it certainly wasn’t the best quality or the most expensive violin available for sale at the time. It has numerous nicks and scratches, and had been repaired many times over. But I love that it has this history. And I love that the back body was carved from a single piece of wood, when most violins have 2 pieces that comprise the back body. It has a deep, rich sound, and the dealer who sold it to me informed me that many people did not like it because it is louder than your average violin. However, this is perfect for me because I was never as confident in my violin playing as my piano playing and so I need an instrument to counteract my shyness.

The piano we have in my parents’ house, however, is not my favorite. My mother had chosen it for its looks: she liked the deep mahogany wood. It has pretty good sound and responsiveness, but since the piano wasn’t chosen for its performance, I just like it okay. And perhaps I always knew deep down that it wasn’t mine, since my sister regularly played it too.

My favorite piano while growing up was our friend Annie’s. Not only was it carved beautifully, it had a soft yet rich, melodious sound, with just the perfect amount of stickiness in the keys.

Later, when I attended violin camp as a teenager (yes, there is such a thing as violin camp, and yes I went to one), I came across a Bösendorfer piano. Each Bösendorfer is hand-made, where crafters work alongside walls covered in pictures of beautiful, and often nude, women. They look to these women for inspiration while carving and assembling each piano…how sexy is that?!?

Bösendorfers start at tens of thousands of dollars, reaching hundreds of thousands and sometimes even millions, so of course I’m not able to afford one. However, the one I did get to play while at violin camp was wonderful. It was the best piano I ever played.

Do you play a musical instrument? Are you sensitive to each instrument as well?