Today I woke up and remembered how a decade ago, I saw smoke rising from lower Manhattan as I drove along the New Jersey Turnpike. I remembered how I, along with other drivers, stopped our cars and turned our radios on full blast while we stared in horror at another plane crashing into the second tower.

I had been on my way into Manhattan at that moment. I had been on my way to Chinatown, which meant that I would have passed Ground Zero on the way to my destination.

For once I could not feel more relieved that I had been running late.

Needless to say I did not make it into New York City that morning. But I will never forget watching the Twin Towers burn and collapse as I watched from across the river. I will never forget how I sat on edge as I waited to hear from my loved ones, how everyone seemed to stay glued to the television for the next few days, and how the entire nation was brought together by such a tragic event.

This is not a sad post. It is one of hope. Because as Jon Stewart said, “The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every fucking day.”

And my biggest source of hope today?

My 11-month-old daughter Claire.

How she learned to throw objects into the toilet this morning. (I stopped her after she threw the third item in. And as much as I feel like I should be mad at her, J and I couldn’t stop cracking up.)

How during the few hours we left her with my mother, she tore a picture of me out of the calendar I had made for my parents…and how she wouldn’t stop smiling as she looked at the picture of me, pointing it out to her grandma, and kept kissing it.

And how despite her tantrums, stubbornness, and “ohmigosh she’s going to drive me insane” moments (like yesterday…yesterday was a BAD day), J and I lie in bed every night and wonder what we have done to deserve such an amazing daughter.

Again, I need to thank my SIL for this picture. I really
need to step it up with my picture-taking these days.

I feel like such a cheeseball writing this, but it is true what they say — parents place so much hope in their children.

So thank you, Claire, for giving your mommy renewed hope every day.

And thank you, BebeDeux, for reinforcing that hope by (literally) kicking me around every hour.

May you guys never experience the sort of horror that occurred ten years ago today.